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Some people have argued that video games are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Do the advantages of video games outweigh the disadvantages ?

#people #video #games #waste #time #money #hobbies
Over the
last
 few decades, it has been a subject matter that
people
 are killing their
time
 by playing online
games
, and there are several other beneficial aspects to capitalize on.
Although
 there are some positive sides of
video
games
,
such
 as communication and learning new skills, from my point of view, negative effects would prevail
due to
 aspects of health and
time
. On the
one
 hand, playing
video
games
 makes
people
 near to each other even though there are thousands of
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 between them. To explain,
people
 from
one
 side of the globe can communicate with
one
 from the other side through
video
games
, which
also
 enhance the friendship among nations and cultures.
One
 of the most popular
games
 globally is pubg,
for instance
, that have players from over 150 countries.
In addition
, artificial
games
 allow us to improve several skills. In the era of technology, playing
video
games
 helps human beings to get the hang of gadgets, like computers, smartphones, and so forth. Having a variety of difficulties and situations in
games
 teaches us to endure hardships and makes us flexible to
such
 conditions.
On the other hand
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that it has a more negative impact on
people
. Sitting in front of the screen for long hours would lead to serious brain illnesses, making it weaker, as the light that comes out from the screen affects not only the brain but
also
 the whole body.
Sedentary
Add an article
A sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle
also
 brings on obesity problems, which eventually might end up with serious disasters.
Moreover
,
video
games
 are a very
time
-consuming activity, and with them, life could become fast-paced. It is undeniable that
while
 playing
games
,
people
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 notice how
time
 flies. Recent studies show that amateur players spend
approximently
Correct your spelling
approximately
 7 hours daily
to entertain
Change the verb form
entertaining
show examples
 with computers.
Instead
, youngsters could devote their
time
 to other hobbies, which are far more beneficial than computer
games
.
To conclude
, despite several facts in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
video
games
 like international communication and new skills, in my opinion, the importance of health and
time
 is
further
 important.
Hence
, the advantages of
this
 phenomenon would surpass the disadvantages.
Submitted by abdulaziz on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the prompt and offered both advantages and disadvantages of video games. However, your position could be more explicitly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to ensure that each main idea is fully developed and supported with detailed examples. The paragraph discussing health impacts could benefit from more specific evidence or scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with distinct paragraphs that build your argument. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, but try to make your thesis statement in the introduction even clearer. This helps guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Your argument is balanced, presenting both the positives and negatives of video games, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures effectively, which enhances the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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