IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#computers #invention #years
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Technology has improved a lot, and some people believe that
computers
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 are the most crucial development of the
last
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 century.
However
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, I believe that
while
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computers
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has
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have
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 revolutionised many aspects
in
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of
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 human lives,
yet
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apply
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other innovations,
such
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 as the invention
in
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of
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 transportation and machinery sectors,
also
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 play an important role in the life of human beings. We cannot deny the fact that
computers
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has
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have
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 significantly contributed to our lives in the era of technological revolution 5.0. Through the platform of Google, someone can access a wealth of knowledge with a single click.
Moreover
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, the role of
computers
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 extends beyond information retrieval.
For instance
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,
computers
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 serve as
bedrock
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the bedrock
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 of innovation, empowering programmers to develop
generate
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and generate
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 applications and
a
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apply
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plenty of automation programs.
However
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, it is essential to recognize that the realm of innovation is not monopolised by
computers
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 alone. Consider the remarkable advancements in transportation,
for instance
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. The evolution from steam trains of yesteryears to the high-speed electric trains epitomized by Japan's Shinkansen represents a paradigm shift in human mobility.
Similarly
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, the proliferation of advanced machinery in industrial sectors has catalyzed unprecedented levels of productivity and efficiency. Automatic machines deployed in factories exemplify
this
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, streamlining production processes and reducing operational costs significantly. In conclusion, indeed, the innovation of
computers
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 plays a significant role in our lives, yet it is not the only significant advancement. The development in transportation and industrial areas is as important.
Thus
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, I respectfully disagree with the assertion that
computers
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 reign supreme as the most important invention of the
last
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 hundred years.
Submitted by usedtobesomeoneyoulove on

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and that these ideas are logically organized throughout the essay. Use a variety of linking words or phrases to connect your ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Include a more detailed analysis of how and why computers may be considered the most important invention, and potentially contrast them with other inventions to bolster your argument. Providing more specific examples and elaborating on them would also strengthen your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • invention
  • revolutionized
  • industries
  • communication
  • connectivity
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • advancements
  • scientific research
  • technology
  • access
  • information
  • learn
  • limitations
  • disadvantages
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