IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

‘Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.’ Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#‘some #people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
It is evident that there are split opinions regarding whether parents should control
children
 to prevent making
mistakes
, meanwhile, others believe that they should have to be independent. I support the view that there is no justification for limiting own child. Those who advocate preventing infants from making
mistakes
 may argue that their child is too little to make his decisions. There might be rational reasons to think that way because nowadays advertisements for drugs and alcohol are all over the environment, and it is available if the teenager has money. So that's why adults want to control their youngsters.
For instance
, the Times recently reported that 6 boys out of 10 were held on juvenile delinquency, it was proved that they all were away from home and not anyone's supervision.
On the other hand
, the other group holds the view that parents cannot make teenager's life by restricting them and saying what to do. To put it more simply even though adults may have more real-life experiences, anyway it does not help youth become responsible for their lives. From my perspective of view, adolescents should be able to make their own lives without the help of their parents.
This
 is to say making
mistakes
 is one of the most valuable lessons for
children
. Being allowed to make
mistakes
 in their early years is a good practice to help
children
 develop the ability to accept their
mistakes
 and learn from them, building up themselves. In conclusion, I believe that overprotection may be harmful as it weakens
children
's ability to learn from their
mistakes
 and stifles their growth.
Submitted by omarovaa.access on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure a clear and strong thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on your stance regarding the topic.
Coherence
Work on paragraph structuring: each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and a concluding sentence.
Cohesion
Include a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of the essay.
Supporting Details
Expand on the examples given by offering more depth and explanation as to how they support the main points.
Task Response
Make sure to address the task thoroughly by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion throughout the essay.
Conclusion
Refine the conclusion by summarizing the key points of the discussion and reiterating your opinion.
Examples
Avoid generalizations and strive to include more specific examples to substantiate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Freedom
  • Mistakes
  • Valuable life lessons
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Resilience
  • Creativity
  • Prevent
  • Dangerous
  • Life-altering
  • Adult supervision
  • Instill
  • Good judgment
  • Guidance
  • Harmful habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: