IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that whether social activities
besides
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 study are essential for full-time ungraduating learners or they should concentrate on studying.
This
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 writer personally agrees with the first statement that students should engage in extracurricular
due to
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 enhance soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and bring about benefits for individuals and the community. One of the most understandable rationales, why offspring necessitate enrolling in other activities, is enhancing soft
skills
Use synonyms
such
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 as critical thinking, problem-solving
skills
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 and presentation. In the information age, technological growth is becoming more dominant than ever;
therefore
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, humans are capable of having an exceptional grasp which is thought to control artificial intelligence.
Additionally
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, interpersonal capabilities play a vital role in employment and appliance.
For example
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, employers will prioritize individuals who have highly qualified communication, creativity, dependence, and high-tech ability. Another merit worth mentioning is that social events foster community and reduce stress. People who attend extracurriculars have opportunities to socialize, connect with others, relax, have fun, make new friends and build relationships
as well as
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 resident aid.
In other words
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, the organization benefits residents through charity events
such
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 as giving free meals and subsidies for the poor, the aged and the disabled, improving facilities in remote areas, and presenting clothes.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 gives students feelings of satisfaction, and joy and alleviates stress endurance.
For example
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, recently, training points which include the level of participation in charity and social incidents are compulsory in university. It not only helps individuals more self-confident but
also
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 brings advantages to citizens. In conclusion, learners should integrate between studying and other actions appropriately. Despite the drawbacks, I still believe that the benefits of interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 and community aid overshadow them.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly responds to all parts of the question. You've covered a wide range of points, but the essay can be more focused and better structured.
task achievement
Work on making the main ideas clearer and more explicit in your sentences. For instance, rephrase and simplify complex sentences to improve clarity.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but they could be more specific and tied more directly to the main arguments. Try to integrate examples in a way that strongly supports your main points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs for each main point. Try to link ideas between paragraphs more effectively for smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure by using more cohesive devices like 'moreover', 'furthermore', 'on the other hand', etc., to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, and ensure the ideas within are consistently focused on that main idea.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
Your points on enhancing soft skills and community benefits are strong and relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • reduce stress
  • burnout
  • life skills
  • leadership
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • communication skills
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • networking opportunities
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • enhanced learning experience
  • practical involvement
  • academic learning
  • real-world experience
  • holistic development
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • cognitive growth
  • well-rounded individuals
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