Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. others believe children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is a widely held view among some parents that
upbringing
kids with a sense of competition Verb problem
raising
resulting
in their progress in the future. Despite the fact that Replace the word
results
latest
surveys indicate that if youngsters follow cooperation Correct article usage
the latest
instead
of competition, they will be more effective adults. In my point of view, internalization
of collaborative habits can have Correct article usage
the internalization
a
significant beneficial consequences in all aspects of their lives.
On the one hand, since, at the present time, teenagers are accustomed to immersing themselves in their own world and avoiding communication with their age-mates. It not only leads them to isolationCorrect the article-noun agreement
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
it inflames their contested senses whenever they are besides
other teens. Unless kids are trained to put Change preposition
beside
this
sense on the right track, it perhaps turns to envy. Furthermore
, they should be aware to not involve
in misleading and Wrong verb form
be involved
its
concomitant risks. Supposedly, with consideration of contest as a priority with regard to collaboration, children are able to make progress, but Correct pronoun usage
apply
meanwhile
their adulthood will be overshadowed by lots of vicissitudes.
Add a comma
meanwhile,
On the other hand
, nowadays, it is endeavored
by educational environments from nursery school to university Change the spelling
endeavoured
to
teach subjects in a teamwork manner that can contribute to Fix the infinitive
apply
reinforcement
of children's cooperation spirit. Add an article
the reinforcement
Although
it would be a demanding task for someone to do their activities in a group, a circumstance can be created for them to detect their defects and make up them
Change preposition
for them
by
each other's assistance. At the same time, Change preposition
with
this
trend is influential for ones not sociable and have no friend
. Since, as a matter of fact, appearance in various social groups can open a world mirroring a wonderful horizon for them.
In conclusion, it is high time for parents to establish a condition to adapt juveniles to association. In my opinion, cooperation exerts a unique influence on one's life and Fix the agreement mistake
friends
arises
a practical approach to Verb problem
creates
have
peace and growth in all dimensions of life.Wrong verb form
having
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on using a variety of cohesive devices appropriately and consistently throughout the essay. Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs, and strive for a smooth flow of information.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are generally clear and present, however, they could be strengthened by more specifically addressing the task prompt in both parts, ensuring a direct response to the question in the introduction and a clear restatement of that response in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, try to deepen and further elaborate on the explanations and ideas throughout the essay. Provide more specific and detailed examples to support each point, ensuring a closer link to the task's statement.
task achievement
To fully achieve the task, ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed with equal attention and depth. Provide a more balanced discussion of both views and explicitly state your own position throughout the essay, reinforcing it in the conclusion for greater impact.
task achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, work on more precise and explicit statements. Avoid overgeneralization by being succinct and direct in presenting your points, which aids in the overall clarity of your message.
task achievement
Incorporate a range of specific, relevant examples to back up your arguments. These supporting details will enhance the authenticity and persuasiveness of your essay, making your position stronger and more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.