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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many parents think that it is good to teach children about the value of money. Why Do you think it is important to teach them the value of money? In what ways can you help children learn the value of money?

#parents #children #value #money
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Children
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 should be introduced to many basic principles in life, including financial.
For example
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, there is a parents’ opinion that the young should be taught about the value of
money
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. In my opinion,
this
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 lesson is necessary for them, and in
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons and some approaches to help
children
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 learn how valuable
money
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 is.
First,
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one of the reasons why moms and dads should teach their kids about
money
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 is that they need to understand how hard to earn
money
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 is.
For example
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, fathers can tell their boys or girls how they have to go to work from morning until evening to get a salary,
while
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 there are some unlucky families who still do not get a job
thus
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 they lack
money
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. Once dads have their wages, it is the mothers’ responsibility to manage the income to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 household needs. By understanding the effort,
children
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 are expected to learn how to use
money
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 wisely.
Second,
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the best way to teach
children
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 how to appreciate
money
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 is not only by saving their
money
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 but
also
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 by being too consumptive. If their parents hand them
money
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, they can keep some in their piggy bank so they can use it later to buy the things they desire.
Also
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, by being taught not to be consumptive, they will think twice before they want to spend
money
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. These two ways can help
children
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 to spend their
money
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 thoroughly. In conclusion, giving a lesson to
children
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 on how to appreciate
money
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 is needed before they are grown up, so they know how to use it appropriately.
Also
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, one habit that can be introduced earlier is to train kids to save their
money
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 and contemplate first before they buy something.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a solid structure with an introduction and conclusion, try to further emphasize your main points with detailed examples and analyses to strengthen the overall argument.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully respond to all parts of the prompt. While you have covered the reasons and methods for teaching children the value of money, you could delve deeper into each point with richer explanations and supportive evidence to demonstrate a thorough understanding.
task achievement
To present clearer and more comprehensive ideas, aim to expand on each point with specific examples or scenarios. Show the practical implications of the lessons on money by describing real-life situations where children apply those lessons.
task achievement
Incorporate specific and relevant anecdotes or examples to reinforce your points. This will provide a concrete context for your arguments and help illustrate the concepts you are discussing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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