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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Recently, an increasing number of people who suffer from diseases are looking for alternative medication
instead
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 of checking up with doctors. I firmly believe that
this
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 is generally a negative development, as herbal
medicines
Use synonyms
 are mostly unregulated, that they could endanger the patients and cause additional health risks. One serious problem that may arise from having traditional
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treatments
Use synonyms
 is that they mainly do not have regulated consumption procedures.
This
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 kind of medicine could be relatively cheaper but if the patients are not aware and uneducated about the consumption limit, they might consume it relentlessly and get overdosed, which can lead to worse effects, even death.
For instance
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, my neighbour was having a problem with her liver and was constantly taking herbal medication without proper procedure.
As a result
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, she experienced a bad side effect that worsened her liver condition based on a medical checkup at a clinic. Another issue is that taking herbal drugs and
treatments
Use synonyms
 might cause more health problems to emerge. Since many of these
medicines
Use synonyms
 are not only unregulated but
also
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 yet to be scientifically proven, combining the consumption of traditional drugs and the ones with doctor prescriptions might involuntarily damage another part of the body.
For example
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, my late grandfather was diagnosed with heart disease, and he opted for alternative
treatments
Use synonyms
instead
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 of going to doctors. Later, he found out that he had another problem with his liver. To wrap things up,
although
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 alternative
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treatments
Use synonyms
 are relatively cheap and might cure illnesses that people suffer from, their usage in the modern day is seen as a negative trend as it may lead to worsening conditions of the patient and additional health risks.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout the essay with seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Present all aspects of the topic, making sure your introduction and conclusion are directly addressing the question posed.
coherence and cohesion
Provide clear and well-developed examples that are directly related to the main points, avoiding contrived or overly generalized statements.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion as required, with a clear position that is sustained throughout the response.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas more comprehensively, ensuring that you elaborate with further explanation or examples.
task achievement
Include more specific and detailed examples to support your points and make your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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