IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, the status quo that there are plenty of problems caused by consuming
foods
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 and
drinks
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 with too much sugar is worrying. Authorities in many nations have charged taxes on
such
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 products, and some believe that
this
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 is a good idea. In my opinion, asking people to pay some taxes can be a good point to decrease the habit of craving more sugar, but I believe
this
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 is not enough. On one hand, charging extra money from consumers to pay for their sweet
foods
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 or
drinks
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 is helpful to press the number of
health
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 issues
such
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 as diabetes, obesity, and high blood pressure. Recently, the affordable price of meals and
drinks
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 might be a reason why people buy them.
As a result
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, if they need to spend more when they want to consume sugar-based things, consumers will consider their plan and try to control their appetite.
This
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 is an approach
that is
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 given by the government to keep the
health
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 cases low.
On the other hand
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,
however
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,
this
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 policy is inadequate to lower
health
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 problems nowadays. Obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure are not only caused by consuming a lot of sugar
,
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apply
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 but are accumulations of other components,
for example
Linking Words
, sleep hours deficiency, lack of exercise and intake of other junk
foods
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.
Thus
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, politicians should establish programs for citizens that encourage them to have healthier life habits. In conclusion, paying taxes to fulfil the craving for sweet
foods
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 and
drinks
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 is beneficial, but I disagree that
this
Linking Words
 is not a good idea yet. To cut off the number of
health
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 problems, authorities can look up methods which cover whole elements including diet, exercise, and other lifestyles.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis. The concluding paragraph should also encapsulate your discussed points and restate your opinion clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay should have a clear and logical structure. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the other. Use linking words to help guide the reader through your argument.
Support & Examples
Support your main points with specific examples or data. This strengthens the argument and makes it more persuasive. Avoid general statements that do not add value to your argument.
Task Response
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Both views should be discussed impartially, and your opinion should be clear and well-supported.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • processed foods
  • punitive measures
  • revenue
  • public health campaigns
  • awareness
  • government overreach
  • personal freedoms
  • unhealthy diets
  • economic burden
  • sugar-related health issues
  • consumer behavior
  • taxation
  • high levels of sugar
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