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Band 4.5

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on laand and in sea l.What are the reasons and solutions?

#species #activities #laand #sea #l
The
number
 of endangered
animals
 is increasing from time to time. In the
last
 decade, the
number
 of endangered
animals
 has increased by 49%. I strongly believe that the main reason which led
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 condition is
habitat
 destruction, in order to overcome
this
cases
Fix the agreement mistake
case
show examples
 we have to do conservation and restoration of
habitat
. As creatures,
animals
 require a
place
 to survive and maintain their generation.
However
, in
this
 era the
place
 that previously
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a
habitat
 for
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 is damaged by several human activities
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
negatives
Change the noun form
negative
show examples
 impact of their activity.
For example
, because of
demanding
Replace the word
the demand for
show examples
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 human population, people tend to destroy natural habitats,
such
 as forests to establish new
settlement
Fix the agreement mistake
settlements
show examples
 and
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 for industrial expansion importance.
In addition
, there are many people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 decide to leave
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 that
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
resources of food. As
Correct article usage
a results
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 can not survive
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
finally
 causes
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to die.
For example
,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 many individuals let
the
Change the word
their
show examples
cat
Fix the agreement mistake
cats
show examples
 on the road, without thinking
further
 about how they can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 to take a rest. In order to overcome the increasing
number
 of extinct
animals
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused
Add a missing verb
are caused
show examples
 by
habitat
 destruction, there are many efforts that potentially can be done by society
such
 as
habitat
 conversation and restoration by compiling and implementing policies to protect any species that
endangered
Add a missing verb
are endangered
show examples
. Local
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
also
 are able to restore the natural
habitat
 or move the species into a safer
place
 to provide
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
place
 and to give
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
a
Correct pronoun usage
them a
show examples
proper requirement life
such
 as food and special treatment. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the
number
 of
increasing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
extinct
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 is caused by human activity
such
 as
habitat
 destruction which is used to establish new housing in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and to build new
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 for industrial expansion importance. The best solution to get over
this
 condition
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
habitat
 conversation and
restorastion
Correct your spelling
restoration
restorations
 like compiling policies and
restore
Wrong verb form
restoring
show examples
 natural
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and should be distinctly separate from the other paragraphs.
Supporting Ideas
Improve on developing main points by supporting them with specific details or examples. In this essay, more specific examples and details should be provided to strengthen the arguments.
Content Balance
Try to present a more balanced view by addressing both causes and solutions equally throughout the essay. This essay could benefit from a more detailed discussion of both reasons for the extinction of animal species and a wider range of potential solutions.
Grammar & Sentence Structure
Work on sentence structure by using a variety of complex structures and punctuations to make the ideas clear and easy to follow. There are some grammar inaccuracies that need addressing to improve coherence.
Cohesive Devices
Use cohesive devices effectively by ensuring they are correctly placed and that sentences and paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. While there is some use of cohesive devices, there needs to be a smoother connection between ideas for better cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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