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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children’s #activities #children #freedom
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Recent years have seen a significant debate over whether families should strictly limit their
children
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's activities.
While
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 some believe that
this
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 practice can offer safety and direction for teenagers, others argue that rigorous supervision can be a negative procedure for the child's development.
This
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 essay will elucidate both sides before stating any personal viewpoint. On the one hand, careful protective measures are associated with various benefits. Primarily, the safeguarding of parents can promote safety and protection from harmful objects. Increasing exposure to a wide array of content exposes
children
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 to
potential
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the potential
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 risks of encountering malicious websites or misleading information. Families must exercise high vigilance and raise awareness to promptly deter
children
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 from falling victim to phishing scams. Alongside
this
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, monitoring
children
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 during their middle adolescence can decrease potential abuse. The prevalence of maltreatment in various schools has alarmingly increased, necessitating parents to closely monitor their
children
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, regularly check for signs of abuse, and promptly address them.
On the other hand
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, the two main reasons below can reinforce my conviction about allowing youngsters more freedom. The main reason for
this
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 belief is that the attained life skills stem from real-life obstacles. Permitting young
children
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 to confront difficulties allows for more hands-on experience and much-needed skills,
such
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 as time management, problem-solving, and decision-making.
This
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 plays a crucial role in personal gain and pushes individuals beyond limitations for
further
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 success.
Secondly
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, empowerment for youngsters can foster independence. An autonomous lifestyle can allow for more authenticity, in which individuals can live
according to
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 who they truly are.
Instead
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 of having choices dictated by others, youngsters can live based on their values and interests.
Furthermore
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, parental support for pursuing personal goals and aspirations
also
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 fosters self-esteem.
In addition
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 to parental guidance, we should allow
children
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 to pursue their passions and innate talents for personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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.
This
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 enhances self-direction and confidence in seeking
further
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 prosperous opportunities in life. In conclusion, the benefits of granting
children
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 more freedom in terms of skill acquisition, independence, and confidence outweigh the drawbacks of keeping them under supervision. It is advisable for families to seek the most appropriate approach to ensure the comprehensive development of
children
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.
Submitted by Mido  on

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adv task achievement
To further enhance task achievement, consider integrating more specific examples or real-life scenarios to illustrate the advantages or disadvantages of each view.
adv coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to create an even more cohesive flow of ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow along.
hl coherence cohesion
The essay features a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
hl coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout, with each viewpoint discussed comprehensively before presenting your personal opinion.
hl task achievement
The arguments are well-developed, providing a balanced view of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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