The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.

#bar #data #people #town #australia

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The bar graph gives information about the percentage of

people

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living in rural, urban and towns who were born in

Australia

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or outside of the state, in two different periods between 1995 and 2010. In general, we can see that the population of cities is the highest in both years,

by contrast

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, the percentage of the population in rural

areas

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is increasing, unlike, the population of a town in 1995,

in addition

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, it was approximately equal to the year 2010.

Firstly

Linking Words

, in 1995

people

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born in

Australia

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were 50.

In addition

Linking Words

people

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born outside

Australia

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were 60.

Moreover

Linking Words

people

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who were born in a town in

Australia

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and outside were 20 and 10.As for,

people

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who were born in rural

Australia

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and outside it is 30 and 40.

Lastly

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, in 2010 approximately62of

people

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were born in cities in Asturalia and outside .

However

Linking Words

people

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were equally born in towns and rural

areas

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Australia

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By contrast

Linking Words

, outside

this

Linking Words

country,

people

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were in rural

areas

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5 and in town were twice as many borns in rural

areas

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Submitted by sesjej1330 on Fri Feb 09 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast, in addition".

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, areas with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

173 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Demographics
Migration patterns
Population distribution
Rural
Urban
Town
Native-born
Foreign-born
Growth rate
Settlement patterns
Residential categories
Urbanization
Infrastructure
Economic opportunities
Lifestyle preferences
Residential mobility
Urban planning
Governmental policies
Community impact
Data analysis

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The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.

It is often said that the subjects taught in schools are too academic in orientation and that it would be more useful for children to learn about practical matters such as home management, work and interpersonal skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country development and progress. What extent do you agree or disagree?

In many professional sports, there is a increase in the number of athletes used banned substances to improve their performance. what are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.