Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festival; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
day and age, many claim that by festival periods most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
want to just enjoy
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
while
they have forgotten the
meanings
behind
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
historical and religious
festivals
. I opine that,
although
people
are looking for an excuse to have some fun times, they still know the meaning behind these
festivals
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
some different ways like schools,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
and so on. Regarding
monotonous
Correct article usage
a monotonous
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
,
people
do not have much time to carry out research about the meaning of traditional and religious
festivals
. Earning money, working,
studying
Correct word choice
and studying
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
made
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
frustrated.
When ever
Correct your spelling
Whenever
show examples
they find
a
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
leisure time on holidays they just want to gather together and spend some fun hours with each other. Actually, they are looking for an excuse to be happier. These days many of us face mishaps that make us hopeless and
tiered
Correct your spelling
tired
show examples
. So,
festivals
are the best choice to relax or have some different activities like dancing.
Festivals
help
people
unwind and reduce their stress.
Therefore
the meaning behind
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
festivals
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not so important.
However
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
have not forgotten
this traditional
Change the determiner
this traditional festival
these traditional festivals
show examples
festivals
yet
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
some ways. The
meanings
behind these
festivals
are still taught by families and schools. Many families have some boundaries which explain
festivals
traditionally to the children. Some traditional courses are taught by schools. They force children to learn
this
information
completely. By setting some strict roles like taking some exams
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
this
traditional
information
, students will never forget them.
In addition
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
of technology
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
information
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
access
Wrong verb form
accessed
show examples
easily and clearly. They turn from boring
information
to
interest
Replace the word
interesting
show examples
information
which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
fascinating for
people
. Many
video
Change to a plural noun
videos
show examples
are made and uploaded
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
different platforms like Instagram, Facebook,
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
and so on which explain the
meanings
of traditional and religious
festivals
exactly. I know these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of videos are common
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
teenagers nowadays. In conclusion, it is true that
people
might want to be happier in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
by celebrating
festivals
,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
have not forgotten the
meanings
behind these traditional and religious
festivals
. If you ask about the history of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
festivals
, they will answer you clearly.
Submitted by dayansabet on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs for introduction, main points, and conclusion to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, make use of a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonymy) to ensure the flow from one sentence to another and from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
To fully address the task, ensure that your essay provides a balanced view covering both the extent of agreement and disagreement with the statement and develops these points well.
task achievement
In order to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, aim to elaborate on your key points with further explanation and depth.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, include more varied and detailed examples that are directly relevant to the topic. This will enhance your task response score significantly.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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