IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals argue that the utmost environmental issue is the extinction of particular species of organisms, including plants and animals. Meanwhile, others state that there are environmental
problems
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 which need to be more concerned about. In my view, there are many environmental
problems
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, and
people
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 should not set a priority which should be resolved first
according to
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 its necessity in our surroundings as they are equally important. Organisms like plants and animals are pivotal aspects of our lives.
This
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 is because they can become livestock that support the survival of every living being.
Therefore
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, with the loss of certain types of plants and animals, a food chain will be interfered.
For example
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, snakes that are getting rare will not help the agriculture sector as rats will inhabit rice fields, leading to the destruction of harvests.
On the contrary
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, environmental
problems
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such
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 as climate change and air pollution should not be overlooked. In fact, the solutions to those issues have been long discussed by many.
For example
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, there are groups of
people
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 consisting of activists and scientists who have continuously spoken up about these matters, urging the government to make changes.
Therefore
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,
people
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, starting from ourselves, should be aware that there are various
problems
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 occurring in our surroundings and take at least a bit of action to tackle them.
To sum up
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, there are a large number of
problems
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 related to our environment, and the discourse of which should be prioritised has made a conflicting idea.
Therefore
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, I suggest that
people
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 should raise their voices in every issue happening in order to create a better ecosystem on our planet.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next. Avoid jumping between ideas without clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved by clearly stating the main points and providing a stronger summary of your argument in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and data where possible to enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. This applies to both the discussion of species loss and other environmental issues.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response by addressing all aspects of the prompt thoroughly, including a more nuanced discussion of why some might prioritize certain environmental issues over others.
task achievement
Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay by expanding on your reasoning and ensuring that each point is fully explained and well-supported.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support each view discussed in the essay. This strengthens the argument and shows a broader understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem services
  • genetic diversity
  • food chains
  • climate change
  • habitat destruction
  • pollution
  • overpopulation
  • deforestation
  • water scarcity
  • holistic approach
  • environmental sustainability
  • irreversible loss
  • threatened species
  • conservation efforts
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