A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this fact.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely argued that many places worldwide rely on tourism as the main country's income,
while
Linking Words
another statement
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
that it can
also
Linking Words
cause problems if not handled correctly.
This
Linking Words
essay will
further
Linking Words
elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
pros and cons of
this
Linking Words
phenomenon. Generally, tourism has high power to support local businesses owned by the citizens. Purchases of culturally marked merchandise, destination ticket payments, and traditional restaurants are perfect examples of how tourist contributes plenty income of
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
region. In Bali, the beauty of its beaches has attracted millions of international people to pay high prices in order to enjoy the view.
That is
Linking Words
why it can be included as one of the most effective sources of a state's wealth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, tourism could damage a continent's most valued asset.
For instance
Linking Words
, a historical monument in Yogyakarta called Candi Borobudur
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
was getting a few scratches on its relief walls after a foreigner explored the building without boundaries.
Besides
Linking Words
leaving a bad mark on that thousand-year-old building, it brings anger to the local residents. Now, the place forbids newcomers from touching the wall and only allows them to walk around it. Another example comes from the unlimited trash in the floor area of Jakarta's most popular street, Sudirman St.
This
Linking Words
occurrence affects the capital city's environmental hygiene. In conclusion, tourist attractions could definitely support national income.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is still possible for it to come at the cost of unwanted changes to the original site. To fix
this
Linking Words
issue, regional governments must draw more attention to evaluating tourism-related regulations in their internal area.
Submitted by jelitasofiaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to directly answer the question. Your introduction has paraphrased the question well, but your position should be clearer. Include a thesis statement that outlines what you will discuss.
task achievement
Some ideas are not fully developed. Each paragraph should have one clear main idea with fully explained examples and results.
task achievement
Use a wider range of specific examples to support your points. Ensure that the examples are relevant and effectively explain the advantage or disadvantage being discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly. Use paragraphs for each main point. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, with subsequent sentences explaining or supporting the topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately. Words like 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion' help to navigate the reader through your argument. However, make sure the usage flows naturally and is varied throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion. The conclusion should summarized the main points and restate the thesis, tying together your argument neatly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: