Some people say showing program such as Olympics, cricket on television is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Some say that there are some other ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #program #olympics #cricket #television #adults #exercise #say

Lately, a plethora of topics are being seriously discussed among various individuals and groups, and one prominent topic is

exercise

. There are even observers who believe that audiences can cultivate self-active by exercising by watching

sports

events on

while

others argue there should be alternative ways to reach it, in the succeeding paragraphs, I am going to discuss both points of view and provide my perspective

further

Firstly

, Watching

sports

events can increase

people

's motivation to

exercise

. It is a common fact that exciting competitions can arouse emotional interaction and attract

people

to participate. To illustrate, NBA pro basketball games tempted thousands and thousands of

people

to watch and join

this

sport, the audience follows competitions through

, YouTube, or some social media, watching pro athletes using stunning skills to pass their competitors and shots, which are pretty inspiring moment, and

also

provoke our passion to play

this

sport, thereby, motivate us to do

exercise

due to

most skill that pro athlete show must have a good physical condition to achieve it.

On the other hand

, some experts advocate that

people

can self-awareness to

exercise

without watching televised

sports

to tempt them. The reason is that the government can through social media spread information about the benefits of

sports

by inviting nutritionists to explain.

For instance

exercise

can help us to get away from diseases,

such

as cardiac problems, autism, obesity, respiratory illnesses etc,

as well as

, building a healthy lifestyle in the routine. In conclusion, my personal opinion is that

sports

programs can attract and stimulate

people

's hobbies and help them to keep their passion for fitness.

However

one should bear in mind that the governor

also

can rely on social media to share the advantages of doing

exercise

, not just playing

sports

events on

Submitted by rosolook on Sat Feb 10 2024

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coherence cohesion

While the essay presents a logical structure, it would benefit from clearer paragraphing and more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

coherence cohesion

Make sure the introduction clearly outlines the points that will be discussed, and ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes your argument without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

Support each main point with specific details or examples to strengthen your argument. Where possible, include facts, statistics, or real-life instances to demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Ensure complete task achievement by addressing all parts of the prompt. Discuss both views equally and provide a clear, well-supported opinion.

task achievement

Continue to express ideas clearly and comprehensively, but work on refining your ideas for greater clarity and impact. Aim to present each point concisely and effectively.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples is good. However, aim to link these examples more explicitly to the argument you are making in each paragraph to show how they support your viewpoint.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Televised sports
Fitness levels
Sedentary lifestyle
Community fitness programs
Infrastructure
Workplace wellness
Fitness apps
Wearable tech
Peer pressure
Group activities
Health campaigns
Educational programs
Multifaceted approach
Emulation
Motivation
Awareness
Admiration
Passive watching
Active participation

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Some people say showing program such as Olympics, cricket on television is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Some say that there are some other ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation discuss both views and give your own opinion

With the technological development, some people think technology reduce crime, but some people think it encourage crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In many cities, there is little control on the design and construction of new houses, so people can build houses in their own styles rather than building them with the same style as the old houses in the local area. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?