IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children engaged in sport are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the main reasons of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#children #sport #activity #traumas
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It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose a
job
Use synonyms
 with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 wage, even if it doesn't appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and think that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is much more important than
salary
Use synonyms
. First of all, I believe that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 gives people a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
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 that no money can guarantee. Even if someone is earning a high
salary
Use synonyms
, but feels tensed and compromises with his conscience,
this
Linking Words
 person won’t enjoy his life.
While
Linking Words
 pursuing one’s interests will always bring pleasure and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of
satisfaction
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of famous researchers made their career choices not because of appealing wages, but because they were passionate about science. That’s why it’s more important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at a high
salary
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, doing what you like keeps you motivated and
therefore
Linking Words
 leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
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career growth.
In other words
Linking Words
, there is a strong
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 between
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 and productivity. People who love their jobs can easily excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those, who put
salary
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first place.
For instance
Linking Words
, Henry Miller decided to leave his everyday
job
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 despite a good wage and ventured to become a writer. And after enduring years of ups and
downs
Add a comma
downs,
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 he became one of the most famous and well-paid authors of the twentieth century.
Thus
Linking Words
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of jobs that keep you satisfied outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 of a low
salary
Use synonyms
 in a long-term perspective.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 because it makes people happy and motivated.
Submitted by mohamedicdl175 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with supporting statements that logically follow one another. Use transitional phrases to smoothly link ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should have a clear thesis statement and summary of main points respectively. Tailor the introduction to directly address the prompt, and ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with more detailed explanations, relevant examples, and evidence. Diversify the types of supporting details to include statistics, quotations, or real-life instances where applicable.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by ensuring a complete response to each prompt. Develop each point fully to satisfy the task requirements and show a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas to provide a comprehensive argument. Use examples to demonstrate your points clearly, making sure they are relevant and well-explained, without being too general or vague.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Use concrete situations, studies, or personal experiences to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
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