IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

‘Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.’ Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is evident that opinions are divided on whether
parents
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 should exert control over their
children
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 to prevent them from making
mistakes
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 or if
children
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 should be allowed the freedom to learn from their own experiences. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On one hand, proponents of preventing
children
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 from making
mistakes
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 argue that they are too young and inexperienced to make sound decisions on their own. They often cite concerns about the influence of external factors
such
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 as peer pressure and media exposure to harmful substances like drugs and alcohol.
For instance
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, advertisements promoting alcohol consumption are prevalent in today's society, making it easily accessible to teenagers who may lack the maturity to resist
such
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 temptations.
Consequently
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,
parents
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 may feel compelled to monitor and restrict their
children
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's activities to protect them from potential harm.
However
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, it is essential to consider the perspective of those who advocate for
children
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's freedom to make
mistakes
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. They argue that experiencing failure and its consequences firsthand is a valuable part of the learning process. By allowing
children
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 to make
mistakes
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, they develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of responsibility.
For example
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, when
children
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 are given the autonomy to manage their own finances, they learn the importance of budgeting and prioritizing expenses. These life lessons cannot be fully grasped through parental intervention alone.In my opinion,
while
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 parental guidance is crucial for ensuring
children
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's safety and well-being, excessive control can stifle their growth and development.
Instead
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 of imposing strict rules,
parents
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 should foster open communication and provide guidance when needed. In conclusion,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides of the debate, I believe that
children
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 should be given the freedom to make
mistakes
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 under the guidance of their
parents
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. By allowing them to learn from their experiences, we empower them to become independent and responsible individuals capable of facing life's challenges with confidence.

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay with clear topic sentences that outline the main idea for each paragraph to enhance the logical flow of arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking phrases and discourse markers to ensure a more cohesive and naturally flowing essay.
task achievement
When discussing both sides of the argument, provide more specific examples to support each point. This will make your arguments more compelling and illustrate the practical implications of each viewpoint.
task achievement
To improve the task response, ensure that the essay consistently addresses the prompt throughout all paragraphs, maintaining a clear position while discussing both sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Freedom
  • Mistakes
  • Valuable life lessons
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Resilience
  • Creativity
  • Prevent
  • Dangerous
  • Life-altering
  • Adult supervision
  • Instill
  • Good judgment
  • Guidance
  • Harmful habits
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