IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
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In recent years, people have had a discussion about
salary
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, some of them believe that it is vital to have a pleasant
job
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 to earn a large amount of
money
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,
however
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, others think that a huge income will provide better living conditions.
This
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 essay is going to include both statements and provide them with examples and explanations.
Nevertheless
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, I tend to agree that having a lovely
job
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 place is more essential than having a large
salary
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. Some individuals prefer to get gratification from their works
,
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apply
show examples
 because they know that they can reach higher performances and promotions if they pour their whole soul into
work
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 that they love.
In addition
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, these employees will not get burnout and mental diseases after some shifts of
work
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 and they can receive huge incomes
due to
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 their inspiration and efforts on the
work
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.
For example
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, my uncle chose an unusual profession, namely he is a 3d designer, and all his relatives were confused about his choice.
However
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, he was unstoppable during his
work
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 on some projects and his face was full of satisfaction.
As a result
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, the Samsung company noticed his completed jobs and invited him to be the lead designer.
On the contrary
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, for other residents large
salary
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 is more important rather than other aspects of the
job
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. The reason for
that is
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 the great impact of
money
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 on citizens’ lives. Since large budgets play a significant role in human modern life, people do their best to be able to earn a great amount of
money
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 at any
job
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 that they get.
Subsequently
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, as they have a good
salary
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, they can afford whatever they want.
For instance
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, people can encourage a comfortable life not only for themselves but for their children too.
Thus
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, the
money
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 that they earn for the whole period that they
work
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 will be a solution to any problem. In conclusion, the arguments provided in that essay
such
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 as the influence of
money
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 and the efforts of workers make it clear that having enjoyable
work
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 and a healthy mental state is more necessary than gaining plenty of
money
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 on a random
job
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.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing sentences to enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are clearly linked to the central topic.
task achievement
Ensure more balanced views between the two perspectives to strengthen the task achievement.
task achievement
You included relevant examples, such as the story of your uncle, enriching your essay.
task achievement
Clear distinction between the two opinions on a meaningful job versus high salary.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion, concisely articulating your stance.
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