IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some think increasing business and culural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the dissappearance of national identity. Discuss both Views and state your own opinion.

#think #business #contact #nations #dissappearance #identity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s climate, there is a debate about having financial and cultural connections with other countries. There are two conflicting views regarding increasing contact between
nations
Use synonyms
. A group of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it may have negative effects,
another
Correct word choice
and another
show examples
 group, including me, believes that it can bring several benefits. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that international connections can blur the national identity. Their main justification is that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon may lead to cultural diversity. The more
people
Use synonyms
 go to different lands, the more they are influenced by other cultures. An illustration of
this
Linking Words
 fact is many local languages are disappearing in different
nations
Use synonyms
 or they have witnessed significant changes. Another explanation is that it can cause job insecurity.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that individuals can buy imported products, some factories may lose their customers.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to buy from famous brands like Gucci or Nike rather than an unknown company in their own land. The other side of the argument believes that international connection’s benefits surpass its bad points. First and foremost, it can cause financial development. The
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 who come to visit local attractions, not only need a place to stay but
also
Linking Words
 they should pay for every meal.
Therefore
Linking Words
, local jobs thrive
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 fact. A case in point is Italy where the majority amount of its financial turnover is based on the tourism industry.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, during history it is observed that the country which had no connections with other
nations
Use synonyms
 did not make much progress.
In other words
Linking Words
,
nations
Use synonyms
 need to be connected to use each other’s facilities. As an example, North Korea can be mentioned which has prohibited any connection and has severe problems in providing the initial necessities of its dwellers. What can be concluded from the above is it seems rational to subscribe to the view that universal connection has more plus points in comparison with having no contact.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. To improve, ensure you have a more defined and explicit thesis statement that outlines your main ideas.
task achievement
Try to enhance the specificity of your examples to better support your points. Instead of general statements, provide detailed instances or data wherever possible.
task achievement
Consider expanding your conclusion to summarize both views more comprehensively and reiterate your stance for greater impact.
coherence and cohesion
You demonstrate good use of linking words to connect ideas, which aids coherence. To improve, work on varying your connectives and transitions for a more sophisticated flow.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining paragraph structures by balancing the development of ideas and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • International cooperation
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Dominant cultures
  • Local economies
  • National heritage
  • Global citizenship
  • Mutual respect
  • Tolerance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: