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Band 7.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

#countries #home #people
It is a fact that
home
 is the best place for individuals to feel convenient. Doubtless, all people prefer to own a
home
 rather than renting it. In
this
 essay, the advantages and disadvantages of owning or renting a
home
 will be elaborated from various aspects. In some countries, owning a
home
 is necessary for a variety of reasons.
Firstly
, people feel more relaxed because they have their own commodities. A personal apartment can be regarded as financial support for individuals
instead
 of saving money in the bank or spending it on useless things.
Secondly
, having a personal flat gives families a great chance to design it based on their preferences.
Thirdly
, a personal apartment can be regarded as saved finance since it can be used as a source of money for urgent needs. You may sell it whenever you want without asking for any help from your relatives or friends. Unfortunately, buying a
home
 sometimes is impossible in some countries like the USA, Turkey and other European countries
due to
 excessive price rates. Compared to owning a
home
, renting a flat offers some upsides
such
 as less responsibility, flexibility and freedom to choose your dream house
according to
 place, floors and interior, not paying property taxes and repairs, and moving out very easily. Doubtless, asking permission to make changes is a demotivating factor for a house tenant. A
further
 criticism of buying a house is that
instead
 of giving all the money to own an apartment, one can build a business and use the amount for a business project.
To conclude
, owning or renting a
home
 has its own drawbacks and positive sides. Providing flexibility and lower upfront costs makes citizens prefer to rent a
home
 rather than own it.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of owning and renting a home. However, ensure that each point is clearly linked to your main argument for better logical flow.
task achievement
Adding relevant and concrete examples to support your points can make your arguments more compelling. For instance, mention specific instances or statistical data where owning a house was beneficial or detrimental.
introduction conclusion present
Both the introduction and conclusion are effectively written, providing a good frame to your essay. The reader is well-prepared for the content of your essay and the conclusion effectively summarizes your views.
supported main points
Your main points are relevant and you have balanced the pros and cons of owning versus renting a home quite well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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