IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Giving detailed description of crimes in newspapers and on television has bad consequences. Some people therefore suggest that the government should impose restrictions on them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some folks suggest that the authorities should restrict the
media
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 from sharing detailed
information
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 about
crimes
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due to
Linking Words
 bad consequences. To the best of my knowledge, I will ally myself with
this
Linking Words
 statement because if there is no restriction,
this
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 phenomenon could be a lesson for other
criminals
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,
as well as
Linking Words
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a blunder for the police. Some
media
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such
Linking Words
 as television and newspapers generally provide
information
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 about
crimes
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.
However
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, if the
government
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 do not regulate which
information
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 is suitable to be shared,
then
Linking Words
 it could lead to other problems.
Firstly
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, other
criminals
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 can take advantage of the
media
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, thereby making easier their way to do some bad actions.
For instance
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, if cutting-edge technologies show detailed
information
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 about how policies can arrest a criminalization,
then
Linking Words
 other folks who mean to criminalize will learn from what they watch and create any other options or plans to run their actions.
Therefore
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, they will be one or two steps
further
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 than policies.
In addition
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, the
government
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 should impose some regulations regarding the restriction on sharing specific news owing to keeping the power of policies.
Although
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 people will be curious because they do not know the detailed description of the
crimes
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, it is actually better for police to take action so that they can catch the
criminals
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 secretly. The fewer they show, the better they could act.
For example
Linking Words
, the security with the silent action can overcome some problems in cities without any
information
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 shared, through
this
Linking Words
 action, their ways to solve the problem will be unknown by other
criminals
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 people will get limited access to know about how an authority overcomes
crimes
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, the restriction in giving detailed descriptions of
crimes
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 could be the best way to hide the power of
government
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 from
criminals
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 so that they cannot take the benefits from
media
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, I agree with the statement that the
government
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 should impose restrictions on them. If
this
Linking Words
 regulation is applied, the authority will be easier to deal with
crimes
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and fully address the prompt. The introduction needs to more clearly outline the upcoming arguments, while the conclusion should summarily reinforce your stance without introducing new ideas.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples and ensure that these examples are directly relevant to the argument you are making. While the essay provides general examples, incorporating real-world instances or more concrete examples could strengthen the overall impact.
logical structure
Develop each paragraph around a single main idea and use cohesive devices, such as linking words and transition phrases, to improve the flow of the essay. There were some abrupt transitions which could be smoothed out by more deliberate structuring and use of cohesive devices.
complete response
To fully complete the task, you should address all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Although the essay answered the prompt, it would benefit from exploring both sides of the argument or including a concession to acknowledge opposing views.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding and further clarifying your ideas by adding more depth to your explanation and logical reasoning. Furthermore, avoid using generalities and aim for clarity.
relevant specific examples
Provide relevant examples that are specific and detailed to support your main arguments. This can involve citing sources, providing statistics, or referring to particular incidents to illustrate your points convincingly.
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