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Band 6

Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because univerity education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #students #cost #studies #univerity #education #benefit #society
These days, with the increasing demand for education, it has been a huge burden for university students to pay for their studies.
Nevertheless
, some argue that paying tuition fees is students' responsibility, as the study is only beneficial for pupils, others oppose
this
 viewpoint. I strongly disagree with the former statement, and
this
 essay will explain why. First and foremost, universities offer significant benefits to society as a whole, as
graduates
 play a crucial role in driving progress worldwide. Engaging in scientific research and technological innovation embraces economic growth, thereby enhancing the quality of life for everyone.
For example
, a group of
graduates
 in Australia participated in a project introducing sustainable practices to school children, teaching them how to reuse materials on a daily basis.
Consequently
, children learn about eco-friendly practices from an early age, developing care and respect for the planet.
Furthermore
, a well-educated population fosters economic growth
due to
 their higher salaries. University
graduates
 are more likely to secure higher-paying jobs boosting the economy through taxes and consumer spending.
For instance
, doctors and nurses are highly paid professions in Australia that benefit
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 status of the country. These jobs require high-quality education for treating people providing health services and treatments.
As a result
, educated individuals are better equipped to address public health challenges. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly that educated individuals contribute to society by providing knowledge, resources and services in different fields. Without well-informed
graduates
,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will lack healthcare, environmental sustainability and technological progress.
Submitted by innakireeva0101 on

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Task Achievement
To further improve your score, consider developing a more nuanced argument by exploring counterarguments to your position. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and provide a more balanced essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates logical structure and cohesion, using a wider range of connective words and phrases could enhance the flow of ideas from one sentence to the next. Seeking out less common, more academic transition words would also elevate the lexical sophistication of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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