IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that students in high school should study music as a compulsory school subject. Others believe that such a requirement would be a waste of valuable school study time. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 some nations opt that obligatory
music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 are unbeneficial to the children during their education
time
Use synonyms
, I agree that learners ought to study
music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 as a compulsory course because
this
Linking Words
 trend can affect positively their future lives. On the one hand,
music
Use synonyms
 class is not seen as necessary as other subjects by some segments of society. They think that it is a
time
Use synonyms
 misspent and pupils do not act seriously towards
this
Linking Words
 study.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 kind of art course, students can spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on important
lessons
Use synonyms
 which will play a great role in their upcoming days in school.
For instance
Linking Words
, technical
lessons
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as math, and physics. can replace
music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 and learners can understand the depth of knowledge of these fields and it will
also
Linking Words
 impact their future university lives in a positive way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 can be needed light in the students' dark road.
Moreover
Linking Words
, instructors can discover potential from the pupils who will be talented in
this
Linking Words
 type of art sector. By discovering these talents, teachers can give them a proper education and pieces of advice that can be crucial in their lives. Recent research concludes that most world's well-known musicians' first step in
this
Linking Words
 art path comes from
music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 that were taught to them in their school. Most of them determined
this
Linking Words
 decision because of their love for the
music
Use synonyms
 lesson. In conclusion, whether or not, learning
music
Use synonyms
 should be important. Even though, some folks think that it is not necessary because of wasting
time
Use synonyms
,others say that . From my point of view, after a thorough analysis of
this
Linking Words
 subject, educating
music
Use synonyms
lessons
Use synonyms
 has positive effects and should be taught in high school.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the topic and previews both sides of the argument. Presenting a clear thesis statement would enhance clarity and set a strong foundation for your essay.
Logical Structure
To improve logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and smoothly transitions to the next. Using linking words effectively can improve the flow of your argument.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points by including more detailed examples and explanations. Specific, relevant examples help to support your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Complete Response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. Discuss both views in balanced detail before providing your own opinion.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Strive for clarity in your ideas and arguments. Clear, direct language and well-structured sentences help convey your points more effectively.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Incorporate specific examples that are directly relevant to your arguments. Tailor your examples to clearly support the point you are making in each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • cognitive abilities
  • academic performance
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • artistic talents
  • interpersonal skills
  • pressure
  • core academic subjects
  • disengagement
  • optional subjects
  • elective subjects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: