It is the duty of governments to protect children's health by fighting obesity. The government should implement laws against sugary drinks and fast food restaurants and take other measures as well. Do you agree or disagree with the statement.

Nowadays, many people believe that the government should protect the health of their
children
from fast food and sugary
drinks
by introducing new laws that would counteract the presence of these harmful products and
restaurants
. In
this
essay, I want to demonstrate my point of view and my arguments.
Firstly
, there will be a decrease in the attendance of
fast-food
restaurants
and the demand for sugary
drinks
among
children
.
Consequently
,
this
may lead to reduced profits for companies that own
fast-food
restaurants
and produce sugary
drinks
.
This
, in turn, might result in job losses, causing dissatisfaction among these workers.
Additionally
, many companies and
fast-food
chains might leave the country, losing potential consumers, base-namely
children
.
Overall
,
this
will lead to a decline in the economy as a whole.
Secondly
,
this
will reduce
the
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attendance at medical institutions.
Consequently
, parents of these
children
will spend less money on healthcare.
This
, in turn, will lead to the loss of various positions,
such
as pediatric dentists and pediatric endocrinologists.
Additionally
, there will be a reduced demand in the pharmaceutical sector.
As a result
, the production of pharmaceutical products and various tools for medical institutions and pharmacies will decrease.
This
will
also
lead to a decline in the quality of medicine. Personally, I believe that scientists working in various laboratories studying diseases caused by obesity will not be able to specifically improve the quality of medicines and develop vaccines that may be necessary for future generations. In conclusion, I believe that the government should not create laws that ban or protect
children
from fast food and sugary
drinks
.
Instead
,
this
should be taught in schools, with teachers or parents providing guidance on the potential health risks of excessive consumption of
such
products, and not harm the position of
fast-food
restaurants
and sugary drink manufacturers.
Submitted by otemirov439 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument to some extent. However, you could strengthen your task response by providing clearer arguments on why the government should not implement laws against sugary drinks and fast food restaurants when protecting children's health.
coherence cohesion
The ideas in your essay are coherent and related to the topic. However, the logical flow between paragraphs could be improved by using more transition phrases and connecting sentences to make the essay smoother and more engaging.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to make your arguments stronger. Examples can help to illustrate your points clearly and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You conclude your essay well by summarizing your main points, but you could enhance your conclusion by restating your main arguments in a more persuasive manner.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your essay well.
task achievement
You offer several points to support your opinion, showing your understanding of the topic.
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