IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, many people are suffering from health problems because of fast food the Government should tax higher fast food what is your opinion about this?

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In
this
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 era, various fast
foods
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 have been introduced to the world as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technologies
are
Verb problem
have
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advancing
Wrong verb form
advanced
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 over the centuries.
However
Linking Words
, I totally disagree with the idea that the
government
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 should tax higher fast
food
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 and I will discuss more on why I believe that.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 fast
foods
Use synonyms
bring
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 our health
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, diabetes and heart disease.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 should promote a campaign about
an
Correct article usage
apply
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awareness of a healthy lifestyle for the community and must not increase the taxes on junk
foods
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.
For instance
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 ,
the
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apply
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higher
the
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apply
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taxes on fast
food
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 will surely affect business and employment because overpriced could discourage the consumption of fast
food
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.
Thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 will make a big impact
to
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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global financial
economics
Replace the word
economic
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 issues
such
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 as
dropped
Change the form of the verb
drop
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 in sales
for
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of
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 international fast
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foods
Change the noun form
food
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 demand.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will
also
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make
Verb problem
have
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 a bad
affect
Replace the word
effect
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to
Change preposition
on
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 those who are
on
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in
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 low-income groups because they only rely on
such
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 affordable meal options.
For example
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, a teenager who is working as a part-timer will only manage to buy fast
food
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 as their daily diet so that they can save up the money for education purposes.
In addition
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, the
government
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 and private sectors should take action by providing free education on healthy diets and exercise workshops . In conclusion,nations are allowed to make their own dietary choices but it is important to keep in mind that a healthy body contributes
a
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to a
show examples
healthy lifestyle.In my opinion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should not add taxes on fast
foods
Use synonyms
 but should provide other options to the people.

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Task Achievement
Expand on your main points with more detail and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will also help to provide a more complete response to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures and cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, moreover, consequently) to improve the flow of your essay and make connections between ideas clearer.
Task Achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. While you have taken a clear stand, reinforcing your opinion with stronger arguments and clearer examples could enhance task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health ramifications
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Chronic diseases
  • Healthcare expenditures
  • Fiscal measures
  • Public health policy
  • Sin tax
  • Nutritional value
  • Preventative health care
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Nutritional literacy
  • Consumer behavior
  • Food desert
  • Heart disease
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Metabolic syndrome
  • Balanced diet
  • Processed foods
  • Health equity
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