Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In
this
day and age, numerous young children
tend to spend a lot of time using their phones. There are several reasons why this
phenomenon is significantly increasing. From my perspective, I believe it has a positive impact on children
in many aspects.
There can be some reasons behind using technology devices trend. First and foremost, with the development in the technological era, some parents
have given smartphones
to their children
for study purposes like joining an online course or studying through learning applications, and YouTube channels, and due to
that children
were introduced to smartphones
. Furthermore
, some modern parents
have a hectic schedule at work, therefore
they also
allow their kids to play online games so they do not have to pay much attention to kids and enjoy their leisure time. Hence
, some parents
usually fail to control this
habit of their children
.
Due to
this
, using smartphones
and social media platforms can increase some physical and mental issues. For example
, if children
spend more than 4 hours browsing smartphones
, they can suffer from eye diseases due to
UV light, and because of a lack of physical activities, many children
become obese. Moreover
, children
can also
enter inappropriate websites consisting of violent content that might have negative impacts on their mental development, leading to unhealthy behaviors
.
In conclusion, the increasing use of Change the spelling
behaviours
smartphones
among children
has many risks to the mature process. It is crucial for parents
to monitor and control the frequency of using smartphones
with their kids to ensure balanced and healthy habits.Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some parts of the essay are a bit unclear and could benefit from clearer, more direct language.
task achievement
Expand on the examples and explanations to make your essay more convincing. The current examples are a bit general and could be more specific and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure better coherence between ideas and sentences. Some transitions feel abrupt, so smoother linking words or phrases could make your essay flow better.
task achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument more thoroughly. While you mention some negative impacts, your overall stance benefits from a more balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion were well-structured and clearly presented your main point of view.
complete response
You addressed the prompt effectively by explaining why children spend a lot of time on their phones and mentioning both positive and negative aspects.