IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most students choose to work part time during their university studies. Do you think it’s good or bad idea? Give your opinion and support with an explanation and examples.

#students #work #part #time #university #studies #it’s #idea #support #explanation
I believe that the positive impact of working during university studies is greater than the negative
inpact
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impact
 on students. I
have
Wrong verb form
had
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a
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my
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first hand
Add a hyphen
first-hand
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 experience
on
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with
show examples
 the topic, when I turned nineteen years old I decided to move out and experimented
living
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with living
show examples
 by myself
while
 studying. On a
Typical
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typical
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day
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day,
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 I would spend many
hours
 studying and attending classes, the rest of the
hours
 of the day working and little to no time was left for friends,
therefore
 it's a very draining lifestyle mentally and
phisically
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physically
;
moreover
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moreover,
show examples
 it
inevitabily
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inevitably
 slows down your studies, the
hours
 you spend working are
hours
 taken from learning.
On the other hand
, in my opinion, there are a lot of good things that students learn if they
work
while
 studying
such
 as organisational skills
,
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apply
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 because they are forced to organise their days, weeks,
months
Correct word choice
and months
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 in relation to their exams,
work
 and time,
furthermore
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furthermore,
show examples
 they learn how to be independent and the importance of money. Another big part is the interpersonal skills; a person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 studied for ten years and didn't
work
 is more likely to join a
work
 environment without any idea about
employees
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employee
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 relations, and how to be part of a team,
also
 they would have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 practical skills and likely to find hard to integrate themselves. The only positive side of studying without working is that you can finish your course faster and look for the job of your dreams earlier. I believe that
the
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in the
show examples
 end it all comes to personal choices, what do we value most within personal growth or a faster achievement, where a faster achievement doesn't always reflect
into
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in
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 a fulfilled, happy working life. Working
while
 studying is an experience that made me grow to be the independent woman that I am today, so I would
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 advise that to others.
Submitted by g.marta2013 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction that outlines your main arguments, followed by body paragraphs that explore these in detail, and a strong conclusion that summarizes your views. This structure will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. This will help your essay to flow more naturally from one point to the next.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure you fully address all parts of the prompt. Expand on your examples and explanations to showcase a deeper analysis of the topic.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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