For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #form #entertainment #development

Public concern has arisen about whether shopping as

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entertainment is a good change or it has some drawbacks. I tend to believe, that shopping should be only done when it is needed. The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that most of the things, that are bought, end up in dumpsters and are not recycled.

This

leads to overconsumption, which is one of the main causes of climate change,

consequently

to the loss of biodiversity

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since animals' natural habitats are being constantly destroyed.

As a result

, things, that only make us satisfied for a short time, are the cause of worldwide problems.

Moreover

, to keep up with high demand, factories have to produce a lot of stuff, which requires a lot of natural resources. In some time those resources become exhausted and we start lacking them. It is obvious that

this

type of entertainment is the opposite of environmentally friendly.

On the other hand

, when buying things, some people tend to find happiness, which is significant for their mental health and wellness

overall

. Especially, when the weather is not satisfying enough to go out for some outdoor activities, individuals need another way to spend their free time in order not to feel depressed or lonely.

Furthermore

, people could be opting for window shopping. By doing so not only they are saving money, but

also

having

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have

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a similar kind of experience.

To sum up

, shopping can lead to important environmental problems,

thus

it must not be done as a way of entertainment.

Nevertheless

, there are options

how

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for how

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to do

this

activity without being wasteful.

Submitted by oimigle on Mon May 06 2024

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Content Balance

Be cautious of generalizing negative impacts without showing the other side equally. This could enhance balanced argumentation.

Example Diversity

Consider diversifying your examples to cover a broader impact. Specific details add depth to your argument.

Coherence

Use transitional phrases to ensure smooth flow between paragraphs and within them.

Task Response

Clarify your position in the introduction for an immediate, clear understanding of your viewpoint.

Content Insight

Your essay introduces a critical perspective on the environmental impacts of shopping as entertainment, which is an insightful angle.

Structure

Structured paragraphs with clear main ideas make your essay easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don’t go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. 🔸Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is more ane more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

task 1: The illustrations show how chocolate is produced.

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing population?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree