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Band 6.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #automation #labour #hours
During the
last
 decades, many experts have started questioning the long working
hours
 employees experience
while
 living in an era where technological advances have revolutionized the whole world. From my point of view, working is a necessary activity people should do,
however
, there is an existing need to review how we perform certain jobs for which machines have developed more efficient ways of accomplishing.
Besides
, multiple benefits would be derived from having extra time off. First of all, modern computers and advanced machines have proved to increase productivity in many workplaces, especially in manufacturing facilities and
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 technological companies.
For instance
, most of the factories own specialized machinery to perform all the hard work that involves transporting heavy components, chemical products or other substances, in order to avoid health risks to humans. Computerizing and automatizing many processes and tasks has sped up the way employees work and
therefore
, it should generate a reduction in the working
hours
.
Secondly
, when employees are given extra vacation days, the total
hours
 spent with their social circle increases. Families who do more activities together can develop stronger bonds. Evidence for
this
 appears in some northern European countries, where they have started trials to reduce the weekly working
hours
 to just 4 days per week. Several studies have suggested that the workers who participated
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the trial are happier, sleep for longer
hours
 and live longer compared with those working full time.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the long term, these health benefits might even reduce the burden on public health resources. In conclusion, many potential advantages have been found to be derived from technological developments, some of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 directly affect the well-being of families and society
overall
. Based on
this
 information, we should look forward to
this
 new way of working and interacting with technology,
therefore
 adapting our work schedules is a must.
Submitted by maria.delrioholgado2 on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, make sure your essay directly addresses all components of the prompt. While your position on the topic is clear, work on presenting a more nuanced discussion that clearly addresses counterarguments or alternative perspectives throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good structure and flow, which is essential for Coherence and Cohesion. To enhance this further, consider varying your sentence structures and connectors to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence, you've done well to organize your essay into clear paragraphs each with its own main idea. However, to refine your essay's cohesion, try weaving in more cohesive devices like synonyms, pronouns, and transition phrases that link your ideas more tightly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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