In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

Lately, a plethora of topics are being seriously discussed among various individuals and groups, and one prominent one is that fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available.
This
statement might be a debatable issue by the majority of people. In
this
case, I firmly agree that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
This
essay will list the benefits and drawbacks of
such
a statement. First of all, the benefit of cheaper and wider access to food helps groups of people who are unable to eat because they have no money. Those who couldn’t afford eatables to survive are being helped by
this
innovation.
For example
, a homeless man who only had some spare change from other people can at least survive for another day because of the low-cost meal. Second of all, the drawbacks of fast food becoming cheaper and more widely available affect a bigger range of the population’s health. The lower cost and wider access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
unhealthy meals may lead plenty of individuals to uncontrolled purchase of
such
meals.
This
exact case will result in their health complications.
For instance
, it could be someone’s daily option to consume
junks
Fix the agreement mistake
junk
show examples
because it’s a safe option to purchase,
then
years after having
such
a routine, they will get heart complications because of how unhealthy their routine is. In conclusion, even though there are several advantages, I firmly agree that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, mainly because of the upcoming effects it can have.
Hence
, it’s not fully wrong to consume junk, it just needs to be controlled so it doesn't lead to bigger problems.
Submitted by arrafiv on

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Task Achievement
Be more cautious with your argumentation direction. Your conclusion states that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which contradicts your introduction and main body. This confusion diminishes the clarity and effectiveness of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate a wider range of sentence structures and conjunctions to enhance the flow of your essay. This can help you link ideas more smoothly and improve the overall readability.
Task Achievement
Supplement your arguments with more specific and varied examples. While you provided one example for each point, deepening the context or providing multiple examples could strengthen your argument’s persuasive power.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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