IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Although there are number of gyms, people are leading a sedentary lifestyle. Discuss the problems associated with these issues and give the solutions for the same.

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Nowadays, many
people
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 prefer to have a less active
lifestyle
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, even though the number of
sports
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 centres has grown in cities recently.
This
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 desire might cause many serious
problems
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.
This
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 essay will consider the main
problems
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 of tending to have a sedentary
lifestyle
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, before proposing two possible solutions. Perhaps the most important
problem
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 of having few physical activities in our lives is physical and mental
health
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problems
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. Many
people
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 tend to have jobs with low physical movement.
As a result
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, if a person has a sedentary
lifestyle
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 and does not have any physical activity, he or she will more likely suffer from many
health
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 issues in future.
For example
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, the possibility that an athlete gets infected with diabetes is less likely for a person who does not do any
sports
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 in her/his life.
Moreover
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, having a sedentary
lifestyle
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 has a strong relationship with obesity which leads to many illnesses.
Also
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,
this
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problem
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 could increase government investment in treating these
health
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problems
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. Fortunately,
however
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, there are two promising solutions to
this
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problem
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. First of all,
people
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 should be aware of the possible dangers of an activityless
lifestyle
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.
This
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 must done through social network media and TV commercials which should aware
people
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 of these harmful
problems
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.
Secondly
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, governments should encourage the public with ads and give them free
sports
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 facilities.
For instance
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, in my city,
people
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 must pay a lot of money to join a gym per month, so governments could implement discounts related to membership fees in
sports
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 clubs.
To sum up
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, a sedentary
lifestyle
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 might lead to many
health
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problems
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such
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 as physical and mental issues which make a burden on government expenses.
However
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, these
problem
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 solutions are to be aware of
people
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 and government measures.

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task achievement
Ensure your points are consistently backed up with relevant examples and data.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to make the flow of ideas smoother.
task achievement
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical and syntactical errors for maximum clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides solid solutions and a clear understanding of the problem.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Points are logically structured and each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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