IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
Developed
countries
 should give other distributions of assistance to the poor
countries
 apart from finance.
This
 is because
money
 which rich
countries
 often give to poorer
countries
 does not benefit them and cannot solve poverty.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of a controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided. Those who consider finance to be beneficial for low-income
countries
 believe that
money
 allows them to purchase essential things for continuing living.
For example
, they can buy food and drugs that help them to live.
Moreover
, they can use funds to migrate to other places.
However
,
this
 issue is short-term and the budget they receive may not be enough to live.
On the other hand
, there are reasons that developed
countries
 should give other important properties of support to the poor
countries
 rather than
money
.
In other words
, the poor in the country do not have knowledge about how to use the
money
 for a lot of yields, as rich
countries
 should send other things.
For instance
, poorer
countries
 should receive significant things
such
 as food, drugs, and clothes.
Also
, other contributions should be built
such
 as accommodation, hospitals, schools, and technology to increase a good foundation for them. In conclusion,
while
 sending
money
 does not help people who face insufficient income, high-income
countries
 should contribute other help
such
 as school, technology, and a lot of food.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with the strategy to provide additional help to the poor in
countries
. It would definitely assist the
countries
 in finding a solution to enhance their economic status.
Submitted by champperkhu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You must ensure that the logical flow of your essay is maintained throughout. While there is an attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, there are abrupt transitions which disrupt the flow. This could be improved by using cohesive devices and clearer sentence structures to link ideas and paragraphs together more effectively.
task achievement
The response to the task shows an understanding of the topic and offers an opinion as requested, but the development of ideas is limited and the specific examples provided are quite general. Expanding on the ideas with more detailed examples and a broader range of arguments will strengthen the response to the task. It would also be beneficial to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree earlier in the essay, and remain more consistent with that stance throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: