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Band 7

Some people believe that only talented children can become successful musicians or athletes. However, others believe that children can be taught to succeed in music or sports. Discuss both views.

#people #children #musicians #athletes #music #sports
It is often thought that only talented children can become successful musicians or athletes.
However
, some people believe that they can be taught to succeed in music or sports. In
this
 case, I prefer to agree with the second statement, saying that kids can be taught to succeed in nonacademic things.
This
 essay will discuss the debatable issue given. A growing body of research suggests that parents give their loved ones knowledge in nonacademic things
such
 as playing instruments or being in gymnastics, mainly because it can help children to grow their interests and talent.
Furthermore
,
such
 talent can be used by them to win competitions and will result in their children's character development. It can
also
 help them in entering college, they can submit their certificates for the college to consider them. The second point to emphasise is that art and sport are things that can be learned. Even though talents from within help them grow faster, there is no reason that they cannot be learned by practising and consistency. Talent only supports the development, not deciding the career of a musician or athlete.
For instance
, there is a chance that someone who has played piano since they were young get defeated by those who learned and practised later in life. In conclusion, I firmly agree with the second statement, mainly because
while
 young kids are developing, they can be taught to master
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
arts or even sports.
Hence
, I believe that by practising and consistency, they can
also
 determine their success in their career.
Submitted by arrafiv on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer, more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. Ensure equal treatment and development of each viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned the role of practice and consistency, illustrating with real-life examples or studies would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with clear transitions and linking words to guide the reader through your discussion more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve cohesion, try to link your ideas more clearly. Use phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Moreover' to show contrast or addition.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revisiting your introduction and conclusion to ensure they are distinct but cohesive parts of your essay, with the conclusion summarizing and affirming your argument efficiently.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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