IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some believe that classroom education provides broad exposure, while others say that distance education programmes provide a much broader span of knowledge and information. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The best way of educating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children has been a
debatabale
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debatable
 topic for a long time.
While
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 few people advocate that classroom-based
education
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 ensures more exposure to
knowledge
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,
on the other hand
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, others assert that
distanced
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a distanced
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 study
system
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 offers expertise in a
more
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apply
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wider way. Both viewpoints represent merits,
nonetheless
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, in my opinion, a balanced approach ensures holistic development
to
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for
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students
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. Advocates of
in-person
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the in-person
an in-person
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 form of
education
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 assert that a social environment,
such
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 as
classroom
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a classroom
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, cultivates different set of skill sets in
the
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apply
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children.
For instance
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, being surrounded by other individuals
foster
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fosters
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 a student's effective communication skills,
pesonality
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personality
 development and
build
Verb problem
apply
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competitive abilities. These skill sets are an essential part of the
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students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
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 well-rounded development process.
Hence
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, classroom-based
education
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 is a crucial part
during
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of
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 their learning stage and ensures a successful journey ahead for the
students
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.
On the contrary
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, supporters of
long-distance
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the long-distance
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education
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system
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 argue that,
during
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in
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 many cases it is seen that, distance played a significant factor, playing a
road-blocker
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roadblocker
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 in their learning journey.
Such
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 as,
students
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 hailing from villages, are unable to get to their school or college
due to
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 distance.
As a consequence
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, gaining proper
education
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become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 a
life-long
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lifelong
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 dream for those individuals.
Therefore
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, distance-based
education
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 ,
for example
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, online study platforms,
allow
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allows
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students
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 from all over the world
seek
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to seek
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education
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 from the best schools and universities and be successful in their lives, irrespective of the factor long-distance.
Such
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 a movement cultivates a
borader
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broader
border
knowledge
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 spectrum
due to
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 the fact that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 belonging to different countries and unique cultures come together on a platform and have an opportunity to exchange different cultural beliefs among each other, fostering a
knowledge
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divesification
Correct your spelling
diversification
verification
. In conclusion, both viewpoints are justifiable,
nevertheless
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, striking a balance between
distanced
Correct article usage
a distanced
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education
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system
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 and
classroom-based
Correct article usage
a classroom-based
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education
Use synonyms
system
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,
foster
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fosters
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 a comprehensive approach to
education
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 which ensures individuals from both urban and rural areas get equal opportunities.
Therefore
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,
Education
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 must be accessible to all races of people
due to
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 the fact that accessibility to
knowledge
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 is every individual's
birth right
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birthright
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.

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Task Response
To enhance your task response, ensure that you address all parts of the task thoroughly. While you have discussed both views and given your opinion, integrating more specific examples from real life or hypothetical scenarios could strengthen your argument and make it more convincing. Aim to provide detailed examples that directly support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improving coherence and cohesion can be achieved by ensuring your ideas are well-organized and logically structured throughout the essay. While your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them. This can involve using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To bolster your main points, it's beneficial to support them with more concrete and specific examples. This not only illustrates your points more vividly but also helps the reader understand and remember your arguments better. Whenever possible, tie your examples directly back to the question prompt to ensure relevance.
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