Many manufactured food and drink contain high sugar, which causes health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Food and drinks which are rich in sugar are increasing nowadays and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
an
negative impact on Change the article
a
healthy
life of Correct article usage
the healthy
peoople
. Correct your spelling
people
Therefore
, some individuals believe that the product contain
high super should be discouraged Change the verb form
contains
through
increasing Change preposition
by
prices
of those products. Correct article usage
the prices
However
, as far as I am concerned, it is not an ideal way and I completely disagree with the view and will explain the reasons in this
essay.
On one hand, most importantly the proposed rule will be
affect Unnecessary verb
apply
to
the Change preposition
apply
price sensitive
individuals. That means, if the manufacturing companies increase the price of sugary products, it is not affordable for Add a hyphen
price-sensitive
the
lay people who are healthy. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, families who have moderate to low income may not buy or even taste the basic sweet food such
as chocolates, biscuts
and milk juices because they rarely purchase those items. Correct your spelling
biscuits
As a result
, it is
not lead to diseases Verb problem
does
in contrast
, it further
affect
their heath Change the verb form
affects
due to
malnutrition.
On the other hand
, even the
price Correct word choice
if the
go
high, Change the verb form
goes
rich
can enjoy sweet products without checking the amount and it Correct article usage
the rich
further
cause chronic diseases in near
future. Correct article usage
the near
Moreover
, soft drinks has
Change the verb form
have
beome
popular Correct your spelling
become
in
parties and clubs so Change preposition
at
the
young people consume Correct article usage
apply
for
than average level for their enjoyment which leads to high Correct pronoun usage
them for
probabilly
of getting diseases. Correct your spelling
probability
Therefore
, sugar consuming
can Replace the word
consumption
reduce
by Wrong verb form
be reduced
heathly
Correct your spelling
healthy
life style
modification and Correct your spelling
lifestyle
control
eating sweets.
In Wrong verb form
controlling
conclusion
significantly poor people get affected by Add a comma
conclusion,
high
cost of sweet items Add an article
the high
while
the rule can not change the lifestyle of rich
Correct article usage
the rich
where
Correct word choice
which
it
causes various health issues.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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Task Response
To enhance task response, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your argument is clear, but expanding on how making sugary products more expensive may not be the best approach with more detailed examples and exploring alternative solutions could strengthen your response. Additionally, integrating a more nuanced discussion on both sides of the argument could enrich your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Increasing coherence and cohesion can be achieved by better organizing your ideas and ensuring smooth transitions between them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph. This will make your argument easier to follow and enhance the overall flow of the essay.
General
Make sure to proofread your work to correct any grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This will not only aid in conveying your message more clearly but also contribute to a better overall score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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