IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, school should focus more on producing young people who have the skills required to join the workforce, rather than focusing on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#school #focus #people #skills #workforce #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's society, the role of schools in educating young people is undeniable.
While
 some argue that educational institutions should prioritize imparting practical
skills
 over academic subjects, I strongly support
this
 notion. By exposing
students
 to intricate tasks and preparing them for successful careers, schools can significantly enhance their future prospects. To commence, there are compelling reasons why schools should emphasize skill development rather than solely focusing on theoretical knowledge.
This
 shift can equip
students
 with the ability to tackle complex tasks that demand specialized techniques and critical thinking.
For example
, a survey conducted by IBM in 2011 revealed that Japanese school curricula incorporate advanced technological tools to enhance
students
' learning capabilities.
Furthermore
, I am in full agreement with the idea as it paves the way for a prosperous career trajectory. Many multinational corporations seek employees who possess practical
skills
, as they contribute to increased productivity and sales in the market. Merely possessing theoretical knowledge is insufficient in today's competitive job market; companies require professionals with a solid foundation in practical
skills
 and exceptional problem-solving abilities.
For instance
, Canada boasts a workforce proficient in security measures, privacy protocols, and innovative 5D architectural design, leading to a more efficient workforce. In conclusion,
while
 traditional education systems focus on imparting theoretical knowledge to
students
, I firmly believe that nurturing practical
skills
 is essential for addressing complex challenges and achieving success in professional
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
.
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the topic. While your essay provided relevant examples, incorporating additional specific examples and real-life scenarios could strengthen your arguments. Be sure to directly tie all examples and points back to the question prompt, making your stance clear throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence by more clearly signposting your main points at the beginning of paragraphs and summarizing these points in the conclusion. Use linking phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs, which will make your argument flow more smoothly and logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: