IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe it is best to help someone directly while others believe donating to a trust is advantageous. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#people #someone #trust
Whilst individuals claim that direct donation to economically disadvantaged
people
 is a more pragmatic way to help someone, other
people
 think that outsourcing it to charitable organisations is much better. it is my contention that financial philanthropists have divided it into two sides, each implementing the way that fits their belief,
however
, I think personal donation is a much more reliable way to do it. First and foremost, numerous individuals who have been blessed with financial freedom, run their own philanthropic activities by being directly involved in these works to help others in need. With
this
 method,
people
 can ensure that resources are precisely directed to the right
people
 with the right amounts. To cite an example, donors in my country prefer to be present throughout the entire process to make sure that everyone has been equally treated.
Furthermore
, directly helping
people
 by sympathizing with them gives them a glimpse of hope and appreciation in which benefactors themselves can
also
 get a feeling of relief and gratification as generosity is contagious. On the flip side, certain individuals donate straight to the donation banks or charity
organizations
 to help homeless or hunger-stricken
people
. It is worth emphasizing that some of those
organizations
 operate efficiently, feeding thousands of
people
 each day.
Consequently
, these trusted banks receive continuous donations from philanthropists to maintain
this
 existing imbalance in society.
Although
 there is a limited number of entrusted
organizations
 remain in the present, a majority of charity
organizations
 have been commercialized and misused by their owners.
For example
, especially in the US, a few relief agencies have been locked down
due to
 fraud and scamming money out of
people
's good deeds. In conclusion,
although
 some argue that a structured organization would operate more efficiently, I still maintain that trust funds are not a more reliable solution than personal commitments.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Task Achievement
Increase the specificity of your examples to enhance the essay's persuasiveness. While you've mentioned examples, providing more detailed accounts or statistics could further strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, work on smoothly transitioning between your ideas. While the structure of your essay is clear, employing more varied transition phrases could make the flow between paragraphs and sentences more natural.
Task Achievement
To further improve, consider a more balanced discussion on both views before stating your opinion, ensuring that both sides are presented with equal clarity and depth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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