IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Although parents are responsible for raising a child. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #child
A father's goodness is higher than a mountain, A mother's goodness deeper than the sea. we all Know that motherhood and fatherhood are very important to create healthy generations and improve their relationships. with the current developments , sharing has become important in different fields
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 rearing- children . so, in
this
 essay, we will shed light on different opinions about the responsibility of parents.
to begin
 with, traditionally , few people believed that child-rearing is a woman's responsibility, justifying that by saying :father responsible to to earn life,Addlinaly women were uneducated in the past
therefore
 they have to sit at home , prepare food and raise their kids.
Also
 , they thought that raising children is only pregncy, birth and feed , they didn’t understand the true meaning of nurturing , It was quite uncommon for women to engage in paid employment that’s why kids were her basic work . In my opinion, I agree with the statement because both parents should take part in equal responsibility for their children’s ur bringing as everyone can deal in various aspects to build their children’s character. They can create a healthy environment for them and improve their social skills.
Furthermore
, nowadays, it’s common for women to work, which can make it challenge for them to raise their children on their own .
for instance
 ,parenting lead to create mindfu l, responsible and conscious generation that can strengthen societies . In conclusion, bringing up should be shared by both parents in order to ensure that they grow up well palanced and to provide them with a brighter future . most importantly,
this
 will create stronger , interconnected family.
Submitted by s.nafa2209 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Your introduction is clear and provides a good overview of the essay’s topic. However, you could make your thesis statement stronger by explicitly stating your stance on the issue.
coherence
The essay has a logical flow, but there are some areas where the argument could be more clearly developed. For example, the paragraph about traditional views on child-rearing could be better connected to your current stance.
evidence
You should provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
language
Work on using a variety of sentence structures and avoiding repetition to enhance readability.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of shared responsibility in child-rearing.
content
You have a good understanding of the issue and present a reasonable argument for shared parenting responsibilities.
cohesion
The essay generally maintains a logical and cohesive structure, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: