IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

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A growing number of pupils are not happy with their learning experience.
This
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 essay will highlight the reasons for
such
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 an unfavourable opinion and what can be done to change that.
First,
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one of the prime causes for scholars to have an unappreciated perspective towards education is because of the applied methods of teaching. To explain, studying only through books with no practical exposure contributes to the low appreciation for school learning.
For example
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, it was released in a study by the Australian Ministry of Education in 2019 that most of the advanced-level students were often uninterested in the theory-only courses and would prefer to study over a more practical approach with real-life experiences, with audio and visual references.
Second,
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the authorities must act to restore the interest by adapting the syllabus
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according
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apply
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to apply modern needs. To elaborate, some of the ways by which an understudy's curiosity can be regained are by introducing more subjects of preference and by including realistic experiences as part of learning. To demonstrate, the apprentices of Dubai Scholars had achieved the highest O-level marks worldwide; it was explained that the schoolchildren were often taken into the real world to show how the theoretical knowledge was
utilized
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utilised
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 practically.
Additionally
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, the school had enlisted various
specialized
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specialised
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 courses, which allowed the students to seek knowledge in their preferred fields.
To conclude
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, the falling preference of young adults in the traditional syllabus,
due to
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 a lack of relevance and practicality, can be restored by amending the curriculum and by allowing a more realistic experience alongside theoretical learning.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why young people feel bad about learning, and give clear ways to help them study.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some words are not natural and make the meaning less clear. Use simple and clear words.
task response
Give one more cause, such as pressure, boring classes, or too much focus on tests, to make your answer more full.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many long phrases like 'to elaborate' and 'to demonstrate'. Simple links are better.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Make them shorter to improve flow.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
task response
You gave examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
What to do next:
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