IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#individuals #environment #governments #companies #difference
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It is considered that only high trading systems and the government are responsible for clearing the
environment
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. They are the ones who bring huge positive changes.
However
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, I believe that it is a matter of the whole nation and it is done by the combined
effort
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 of the citizen
as well as
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 the ministry to make their
environment
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 clean and clear.
To begin
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 with, most
individuals
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 are in favor of higher companies and the government because they are the ones who change the map of their surroundings and only they are responsible for making their land clean and clear.
Therefore
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 other
individuals
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 do not have to put the
effort
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 into it it is only their responsibility. It is an undeniable fact that they are the main factors in making their
environment
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 clean because they have a crucial role the smoke from the industries is the main reason for spreading poisonous gases in the air and makes the air polluted which is harmful for many
individuals
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 who are suffering from respiratory diseases
such
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 as asthma, lung diseases.
Although
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 they are the ones who focus on their work and pay attention to reducing their harmful effect it brings a huge difference.
Secondly
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, a group of people who are saying that there is no role of a single person to make their
environment
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 clean are not on the right path. Because it is the responsibility of every individual who is living in that area is responsible for their good and bad
hence
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, people must make sure that their land is free of dirt and for that, they need to put
effort
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 by planting trees and avoid the use smoke material that produces harm fumes that are not good for other people. Many of them love to eat BBQ and for that, they are burning coals and cutting trees to make fule to burn and cook their meals they are ruining the beauty of nature.
Therefore
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, the reduction in the greenhouse effect and rate of deforestation is increasing day by day. In conclusion,
although
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 major industries and government play crucial roles in making the surrounding more aesthetic and useful it is not only their duty. Every
individuals
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 has to put
effort
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 to make their surrounding clean and tidy.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, at least two body paragraphs providing evidence for your stance, and a conclusion. You've done well in structuring your essay this way but aim to strengthen the transitions and links between ideas.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points with more specific examples and details. Although you've introduced some relevant examples, deepening your analysis and linking these examples more directly to your argument can make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to more effectively express your ideas. Aim for clarity and precision in your wording to make your argument more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • waste reduction
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • responsibility
  • leadership
  • legislation
  • investment
  • collaboration
  • systemic change
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