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Band 6

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #participants #olympics #summarise #features #comparisons
The line graph
illustraites
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the difference in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
participants
 in the Olympics games from 1924 to 2012,
while
 the bar chart provides us with information to compare
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people involved in participation
due to
 their gender. On the first
grance
Correct your spelling
glance
, it can be seen that figures had a tendency to increase throughout all years. In 1924
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
participants
 was nearly 3000,
while
 in 1984 it accounted
just
Change preposition
for just
show examples
 under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
6000. Between 1984 and 2012 ,people's desire to
participte
Correct your spelling
participate
grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 dramatically and reached the point of around 11000. When it comes to
comperison
Correct your spelling
comparison
comparisons
 between gender,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that male
participants
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 involved more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
however
 regardless of the increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of them, before 2012 the women's indicator rose five
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 times from 0 in 1924 to almost 5000 in 2012,
whereas
 man's growth was not
such
 significant. For
examle
Correct your spelling
example
, in 1924 their
number
 was 3000 and by 2012 it increased only twice.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the
number
 of
participants
 rose every year,
however
,
regargless
Correct your spelling
regardless
 of
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
 indicator of female
participants
,the desire of women was stronger than men. It is predicted, that if
this
 tendency continues,the
number
 of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
 will overwhelm male's digit.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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