Chidren nowdays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. why is this the case? What measures can you suggest to encourage higher levels of activity among children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

#chidren #nowdays #television #activity #levels #case #measures #children

There is no doubt that nowadays youngsters watch more television compared to past

time

,which reduces their activity levels.In the next paragraph,I will explain more

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

why is

this

the

cases

Fix the agreement mistake

case

show examples

and what measures can be

done

Verb problem

taken

show examples

to encourage

children

to participate

Change preposition

in more

show examples

physical

activities

To begin

with,one of the

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

is the advancement in technologies help to invent more electronic devices in

this

modern era.

An elecronic

Correct article usage

Elecronic

show examples

devices

such

Fix the agreement mistake

TVs

show examples

, video games and a Smartphone are the most

significants

Correct your spelling

significant

show examples

products

are

Correct pronoun usage

that are

show examples

now being used by many kids.

Next,

parents play a big role in parenting.

For

example

parental

neglection

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neglect

show examples

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will surely

has

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have

show examples

a bad impact on their

children

,and because of no supervision from their parents,they will tend to play more video games or watch movies.

In addition

,many

yonger

Correct your spelling

younger

generations will have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unwanted

disease

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diseases

show examples

such

as obesity,eye problems and others if

this

continues to happen.

On the other hand

,there are

also

many

suggections

Correct your spelling

suggestions

to encourage

offsprings

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offspring

show examples

to join physical

activities

such

as the

gorverment

Correct your spelling

government

should include physical exercise

activities

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show examples

the school

curriculam

Correct your spelling

curriculum

This

helps the student to

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

Change preposition

in more

show examples

activies

Correct your spelling

activities

in school rather than

stay

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staying

show examples

at home watching a film.

Furthermore

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

activities

are

Change the word

apply

show examples

heatlhier

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healthier

and

enhances

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enhance

show examples

one's development.

For

example

,studies show that individuals with

eqilibrium

Correct your spelling

equilibrium

lifestyles can

prolonged

Wrong verb form

prolong

show examples

one's life.

Others

Correct quantifier usage

Other

show examples

suggection

Correct your spelling

suggestion

suggestions

are which parents are

pivotal

Add an article

a pivotal

show examples

role in setting a rule for their

children

For

example

,Screen

time

with

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

supervise

Replace the word

supervision

show examples

from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

adults can help reduces curtain

time

and

children

can

learned

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learn

show examples

how to manage their

time

properly,

besides

Add an article

the problem

a problem

show examples

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

Problems

show examples

such

as bad eyesight will be decreased. In conclusion,mature people

needs

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need

show examples

to set a good

example

as adults to the younger generations because

children

tends

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tend

show examples

to learn and

copies

Replace the word

copy

show examples

from the older generations.So

Change preposition

apply

show examples

setting a rule and

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

from the government can encourage them to join physical

activities

and

reduced

Wrong verb form

reduce

show examples

screen

time

Submitted by tifjong on Thu Feb 15 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, but it would benefit from deeper analysis and more detailed examples. Expand on your ideas and provide specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve clarity and coherence, focus on structuring your essay more logically. This could involve introducing clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs, followed by supporting details, and concluding sentences that summary the paragraph's main point.

Task Achievement

Develop your ideas more fully by elaborating on the reasons behind the increase in television watching among children and by providing more concrete suggestions for encouraging physical activity. Use specific examples or data to support your arguments.

General

Address simple grammatical errors and typos to enhance readability and professionalism. Proofreading your work can greatly improve its overall quality.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

proliferation
accessible
double-income families
convenient
urbanization
leisure preferences
peer pressure
screen time
engaging
promote
tailored
educational campaigns
lifestyle choices

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