IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You participated in a public event organized at a local park. Write a letter to the event organizer. In your letter tell them some feedback about the event; explain what you particularly enjoyed; give some suggestions for improvement.

#event #park #organizer #feedback #suggestions #improvement
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my appreciation and gratitude for the efforts you made during the Music Festival held in Flagstaff Park
last
 Sunday. The well-organised agenda, the relaxing atmosphere and the helpful staff jointly made the activity a great success. What impressed me most was definitely the diversity of musicians that you invited, which made the festival an enjoyable experience for visitors of all ages.
Moreover
, the 'Singer of Flagstaff' session which allowed the audience to step onto the stage and sing for their loved one was undoubtedly a creative and engaging activity,
as well as
 the most memorable moment of the whole festival.
While
 the event was absolutely a success, I would like to share some of my suggestions that could probably
further
 enhance the
overall
 experience of the visitors.
Firstly
, it could be beneficial to provide a wider range of food options in order to better match the diverse dietary preferences of the public.
Additionally
, it would be worth considering offering a temporary car park as it was somehow difficult to find available parking spaces near the park. Once again, I highly appreciate
this
 fantastic and memorable public gathering that you brought to our community and I look forward to your future events. Yours sincerely, Changyue Zhou
Submitted by 997339155 on

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Task Response
To improve your task response, try to delve deeper into each of the feedback points you provide. For example, you could describe specific songs or genres that were played which made the diversity of musicians stand out. Additionally, explain why the dietary options would significantly enhance the experience, providing examples of possible foods that could be included.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly. While your letter is well-organized, incorporating phrases such as 'In addition to,' 'Moreover,' and 'On another note,' can help to weave your points together more seamlessly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • event organizer
  • public event
  • local park
  • feedback
  • organized
  • community engagement
  • performances
  • logistical
  • facilities
  • crowd management
  • inclusivity
  • local businesses
  • atmosphere
  • volunteer
  • memorable
  • suggestions for improvement
  • upcoming events
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