You participated in a public event organized at a local park. Write a letter to the event organizer. In your letter tell them some feedback about the event; explain what you particularly enjoyed; give some suggestions for improvement.

#event #park #organizer #feedback #suggestions #improvement

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my appreciation and gratitude for the efforts you made during the Music Festival held in Flagstaff Park

last

Sunday. The well-organised agenda, the relaxing atmosphere and the helpful staff jointly made the activity a great success. What impressed me most was definitely the diversity of musicians that you invited, which made the festival an enjoyable experience for visitors of all ages.

Moreover

, the 'Singer of Flagstaff' session which allowed the audience to step onto the stage and sing for their loved one was undoubtedly a creative and engaging activity,

as well as

the most memorable moment of the whole festival.

While

the event was absolutely a success, I would like to share some of my suggestions that could probably

further

enhance the

overall

experience of the visitors.

Firstly

, it could be beneficial to provide a wider range of food options in order to better match the diverse dietary preferences of the public.

Additionally

, it would be worth considering offering a temporary car park as it was somehow difficult to find available parking spaces near the park. Once again, I highly appreciate

this

fantastic and memorable public gathering that you brought to our community and I look forward to your future events. Yours sincerely, Changyue Zhou

Submitted by 997339155 on Thu Feb 15 2024

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Task Response

To improve your task response, try to delve deeper into each of the feedback points you provide. For example, you could describe specific songs or genres that were played which made the diversity of musicians stand out. Additionally, explain why the dietary options would significantly enhance the experience, providing examples of possible foods that could be included.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly. While your letter is well-organized, incorporating phrases such as 'In addition to,' 'Moreover,' and 'On another note,' can help to weave your points together more seamlessly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

212 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

event organizer
public event
local park
feedback
organized
community engagement
performances
logistical
facilities
crowd management
inclusivity
local businesses
atmosphere
volunteer
memorable
suggestions for improvement
upcoming events

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You participated in a public event organized at a local park. Write a letter to the event organizer. In your letter tell them some feedback about the event; explain what you particularly enjoyed; give some suggestions for improvement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. others say that children should be free to choose what they do in free time. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think public library is necessary, however, others believe that the public library is useless. What is your opinion and provide with some relevant examples.

Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselves and their families?

Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?