IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that men and women have different qualitites, therefore certin jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualitites #certin #jobs
It is undeniable that the abilities between sexes are different, just as each gender has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own distinctive occupation.
This
 writer does not agree that jobs should be divided
for
Change preposition
among
show examples
 suitable sexes.
To begin
 with, there are jobs that require the various and unique skills of
men
 and
women
.
For instance
, being an engineer is a job that only
men
 can do, as it requires strength and good duration when fixing machines for a long time or climbing up pillars to repair modern technologies.
Moreover
, kitchen work is distinctive for
women
 because
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 male counterparts would never produce better productivity, like better meals and cleaning up the areas.
However
, there is currently a definition
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 equality among occupations. By enhancing university teaching systems, students nowadays have the ability to learn specific skills related to their major job. Take the chef as an example. There are several people of both genders famous for their own highly skilled abilities, like Gordon Ramsay and Diana Standfield. As they pursue their interests, these individuals have now proven to the world their qualities compared to the opposite genders.
For example
, leading a business was always a challenging task for all
women
 in the past, but it is becoming more common in the modern era.
Furthermore
, taking care of children is no longer a job for
women
due to
 the higher rate of skilled
men
 in
this
 aspect. I believe that the abilities and qualities of both
men
 and
women
 are the same, and it requires training and practical experience to be professional in a particular domain.
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task achievement
Try to avoid overgeneralizing about the abilities of genders to specific jobs as this can detract from the effectiveness of the argument. Instead, focus on how jobs require skill and training rather than being inherently gender-specific.
task achievement
Introduce counterarguments to enrich your discussion. For example, discuss examples of men and women excelling in traditionally gendered roles and how society is changing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main argument. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas or arguments. This will improve the logical flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. This will make your argument more convincing. Make sure these examples are accurately represented and relevant to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the essay prompt and ensure your conclusion directly addresses it. Restate your thesis in the conclusion and summarize the main points of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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