Some people say holding sport competitions can cause problems for the host country, other disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
It argues that
held
Wrong verb form
holding
a
global Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
sport
events Change the noun form
sports
have
many Correct subject-verb agreement
has
benefit
things, Change the noun form
benefits
while
some people think it can make
many troubles. In Verb problem
cause
this
essay, I will disscuss
about pros and cons of Correct your spelling
discuss
this
issue.
To the
certain Correct article usage
a
extend
, Replace the word
extent
organize
Wrong verb form
organising
a events
Correct the article-noun agreement
events
an event
require
a large amount of money, so some countries that have low Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
standard
of living will have trouble if try to create competitions. Fix the agreement mistake
standards
In addition
, tourism is also
one of the problems if government
do not have abilities to control Add an article
the government
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
,
because foreign people can Remove the comma
apply
be faced
a breach of the peace in places that Wrong verb form
face
nearby
studiums. In conclusion, if Add a missing verb
are nearby
goverment
or organizational units lack control, organizing a sporting event is harmful to citizens.
Correct your spelling
government
However
, there are some advantages to holding a sporting competition like finance, advertisement, and politics. For instance
, citizens living near event areas can get additional profit when tourism pay
to get services, Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
while
that is
one of the precious time for advertise
Wrong verb form
advertising
tradition
and culture like special meals or traditional dresses. Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
On the other hand
, a huge competion
can attract more and more attention Correct your spelling
competition
of
people all over the world, helping to update policy relationships. Change preposition
from
Finally
, a global athletic contest is one of the most important works helping increase the development of country
Add an article
the country
a country
As a result
, this
argument has both advances and disadvances that depend on how the process of events made
. That Add a missing verb
is made
mean
, hosting units should hold Change the verb form
means
sport
contests only when Fix the agreement mistake
sports
adapt
enough requirementVerb problem
they have
Submitted by hoaan2409 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You've addressed both viewpoints and formulated an opinion, which is good. However, make sure your opinion is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay for a stronger task response. Consider developing a thesis statement that clearly outlines your stance and how you will support it.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas logically, but the coherence could be improved by using clearer transitions between sections and points. Consider practicing phrases that signal contrasts, additions, and conclusions to guide the reader through your reasoning more smoothly.
task achievement
You've attempted to provide examples to support your points, which is positive. To improve further, ensure these examples are specific, relevant, and fully developed. Using real-life instances or hypothetical scenarios can make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To improve your introduction and conclusion, ensure they clearly introduce and summarize the main points of your discussion. The introduction should outline the areas you will cover, and the conclusion should succinctly restate your opinion and the reasons behind it.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.