Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it is true that most people think that young people should do unpaid
work
to help differents
communities and to learn more about Correct your spelling
different
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
in their free time. This
essay totally agrees with the idea that teenagers
needs
to do Change the verb form
need
this
type of work
in their free time, and that it will benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
for
everyone, and Change preposition
apply
moreover
a good way to learn about society
.
Young part of the population needs to be confronted with our society
. Also
, they must have the opportunity to try, to have experience in the worklife
. Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
Besides
, it can promote
young citizens to learn how to comport themself, with these practices. Verb problem
encourage
For example
, a study conducted by the university
of London has shown that most young citizens are more able to Capitalize word
University
work
after
this
experience than persons that
haven’t done it.
Correct pronoun usage
who
This
opportunity can give rise to meet, and ask some questions to people that are used to working in a company, in a certain department. So, it can prepare teenagers
for this
type of experience in their free time. then
to have an idea of this
type of life. For instance
, recently my uncle that
is the CEO of an important company, Correct pronoun usage
who
took
the decision to give Verb problem
made
the
opportunity to Correct pronoun usage
me the
teenagers
to discover this
world of work
and it has been really helpful for them and for this
community.
To conclude
, teenagers
should definitely do unpaid work
when they are not at school, to discover more about this
world, to
meet workers. And to help the local community and as Correct word choice
and to
Correct article usage
a consequences
consequences
be helpful to our Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
society
.Submitted by santos_dij on
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to address the prompt directly and provide a balanced discussion on the topic. Consider both sides of the argument even if your opinion leans towards one. This will demonstrate your ability to evaluate and analyze different perspectives.
Task Achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas, work on structuring your sentences and paragraphs more clearly. Break down complex ideas into simpler sentences if needed. This will help in making your argument more understandable and engaging.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific examples to support your arguments. While the use of an example related to a study by the University of London and your uncle's experience is good, adding more varied examples can further strengthen your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your essay. Create a clear outline before writing and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one to the next. This includes having a clear introduction, body paragraphs with main points and examples, and a conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure an introduction and conclusion are always present and clearly identifiable. Your introduction should outline what will be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
To better support your main points, develop each idea fully before moving on to the next. This may involve providing more detailed explanations or additional examples. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?