IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
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Nowadays, it is true that most people think that young people should do unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 to help
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 communities and to learn more about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 in their free time.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees with the idea that
teenagers
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to do
this
Linking Words
 type of
work
Use synonyms
 in their free time, and that it will
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone, and
moreover
Linking Words
 a good way to learn about
society
Use synonyms
. Young part of the population needs to be confronted with our
society
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they must have the opportunity to try, to have experience in the
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
.
Besides
Linking Words
, it can
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 young citizens to learn how to comport themself, with these practices.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted by the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of London has shown that most young citizens are more able to
work
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after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 experience than persons
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 haven’t done it.
This
Linking Words
 opportunity can give rise to meet, and ask some questions to people that are used to working in a company, in a certain department. So, it can prepare
teenagers
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 type of experience in their free time.
then
Linking Words
 to have an idea of
this
Linking Words
 type of life.
For instance
Linking Words
, recently my uncle
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is the CEO of an important company,
took
Verb problem
made
show examples
 the decision to give
the
Correct pronoun usage
me the
show examples
 opportunity to
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to discover
this
Linking Words
 world of
work
Use synonyms
 and it has been really helpful for them and for
this
Linking Words
 community.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should definitely do unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 when they are not at school, to discover more about
this
Linking Words
 world,
to
Correct word choice
and to
show examples
 meet workers. And to help the local community and as
Correct article usage
a consequences
show examples
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
 be helpful to our
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to address the prompt directly and provide a balanced discussion on the topic. Consider both sides of the argument even if your opinion leans towards one. This will demonstrate your ability to evaluate and analyze different perspectives.
Task Achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas, work on structuring your sentences and paragraphs more clearly. Break down complex ideas into simpler sentences if needed. This will help in making your argument more understandable and engaging.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific examples to support your arguments. While the use of an example related to a study by the University of London and your uncle's experience is good, adding more varied examples can further strengthen your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow of your essay. Create a clear outline before writing and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one to the next. This includes having a clear introduction, body paragraphs with main points and examples, and a conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure an introduction and conclusion are always present and clearly identifiable. Your introduction should outline what will be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and restate your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
To better support your main points, develop each idea fully before moving on to the next. This may involve providing more detailed explanations or additional examples. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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