Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Music and sports championships are the new trend
to
people get entertained. Most of them consider Change preposition
for to
that is
more enjoyable to live the experience of listen
to their favourite singer or Change the verb form
listening
see
their Wrong verb form
seeing
sport
team in real life than Change the noun form
sports
broadcasted
. I disagree with that statement Replace the word
broadcasting
up
to a large extent. In Change preposition
apply
this
essay, I will explain my point of view Change preposition
on
since
my experiences.
Change preposition
on
To begin
with, fans claim that a concert in real life make
you feel an immersive experience than any television or smartphone could do. Change the verb form
makes
However
, you are submitted to suffer high levels of stress during the pre and post event
. Add a hyphen
post-event
For instance
, a friend of mine spent five hours of
waiting to see her Change preposition
apply
favorite
artist, the celebrity Change the spelling
favourite
stay
on the stageWrong verb form
stayed
a
couple of hours and her exit Change preposition
for a
last
one additional hour, she expressed that those Wrong verb form
lasted
uncomfortables
Correct your spelling
uncomfortable
moments
surpass
the energy and adrenaline released during the event. Wrong verb form
surpassed
Whereas
she lost precious time, she could do importants
things Correct your spelling
important
such
like
visit a relative or Change preposition
as
getting
a freelance job. Broadcasted Wrong verb form
get
moments
allow you to use your schedule more wisely.
On the other hand
, the real experience can be affected by factors like location and near neighbors
. As a sample, the final coup of football can be seen from different camera angles and Change the spelling
neighbours
close-up
can be enjoyed and repeated when you want. Correct your spelling
close-ups
Thus
, the moments
in real life can be always enjoyable.
Finally
, I respect communities that supports
their teams or influencers, but they don't do the same for you, all people Change the verb form
support
deserve
use their time in meaningful Add the particle
deserve to
moments
. Therefore
, for the aforementioned notions I disagree absolutely.Submitted by natalyrau13 on
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Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While your essay does include these elements, aim for a smoother integration of ideas between sections.
Detailing
Your main points should be supported by specific examples. You've made some efforts in this area, but further detailing or including more varied examples could enhance your argument's impact.
Linking
Work on the flow of your essay by employing a variety of linking words and phrases. This will help in achieving a more cohesive and coherent piece.
Clarity
Strive for clear and direct expressions of your ideas. Avoid overly complex sentences which may detract from the clarity of your viewpoint.
Argument Depth
Consider providing counterarguments to your position and then refuting them. This can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject and enrich your argument.