IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Newspapers and books are out-dated. Why do some people believe this? What is your opinion about the future of books and newspapers? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#newspapers #books #people #future #answers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is irrefutable that
books
 and
newspapers
 are becoming less popular
due to
 the advanced technology. As far as I am concerned, I believe that in future people will totally depend
on screen
Add a hyphen
on-screen
show examples
 reading. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the drawbacks of
this
 phenomenon
as well as
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some solutions to curb
this
menance
Correct your spelling
menace
.
Firstly
, with the invention of
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
, the interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 book reading and
newspapers
 declined. There are two reasons behind
this
 trend. Nowadays, everybody has busy schedules
as well as
 people are doing to earn money by hook and crook.
Therefore
, in
this
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
 life, they prefer mobile phones to get
any
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 latest
update
Fix the agreement mistake
updates
show examples
 around the world.
Moreover
, schools and colleges do not take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
show examples
 to develop the interest among students to gain knowledge from
books
 and suggest some good
books
 to them.
However
, in today's world online education becomes important rather than physical study.
For instance
, in the pandemic digital
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 the only source of education which will
be continued
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 in the coming future. As every coin has
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
, there are some solutions to decrease
this
 trend
otherwise
books
 and
newspapers
 will be diminished.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should instruct educational institutions
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the utilization of
books
 and
newspapers
 with the implementation of digital
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 to import education to the pupils.
Furthermore
, parents should encourage their children to read
books
 and
newspapers
 when they have spare time,
instead
 of spending time in front of
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
. In conclusion, it can be analyzed that high authorities and
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public should take some stringent steps to overcome
this
 issue as it becomes a hard nut to crack.
Submitted by kkaur9391 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your stance and what the essay will cover. Your introduction currently dives straight into the topic without properly setting the stage for your arguments.
Task Response
Work on developing your ideas more fully. While you mention several important points, expanding on these with more detailed examples or explanations would strengthen your essay. Consider adding more specific instances or data to back your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. While your essay generally follows a logical structure, transitions between some points feel abrupt. Using linking phrases can help improve the readability and flow of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing. While you demonstrate a good grasp of complex sentences, varying your sentence length and structure could enhance readability and engage your readers more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay more effectively. Although your introduction and conclusion are present, refining them to more explicitly highlight your main points and stance will help provide a clearer guide to your essay and reinforce your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: