IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that technological interventions such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #interventions #phones
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Nowadays, some
people
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 think that technological
interventions
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 will make
people
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 less socially interactive. In my opinion, I think technological
interventions
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 will not increase the distance between
people
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. There are several reasons
people
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 think technological
interventions
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such
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 as mobile
phones
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 will make
people
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 socially less interactive.
First,
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mobile
phones
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 cause
people
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 socially less interactive because of
internet
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 addiction.
People
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 would like to spend more time on mobile
phones
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 because the
internet
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 is more interesting and it makes them happy, so
people
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 will prefer to play on their
phones
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 during meetings.
Second,
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social media has become more and more popular,
people
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 chat on the
Internet
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 so they will hang out less. In my opinion, I think mobile
phones
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 will not increase the distance between
people
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. One reason is that
people
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 can have more conversations on the
Internet
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. Some
people
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 think mobile
phones
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 make
people
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 less socially interactive because they do not have a conversation, they don't know what should talk and feel awkward. The second reason is that mobile
phones
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 will make
people
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 feel insecure. When
people
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 want to talk about something privacy they are afraid of other screenshots
their
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of their
show examples
 conversation, so
people
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 would like to talk face to face. In conclusion, some
people
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 think technological
interventions
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 will make
people
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 socially less interactive. But in my opinion, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 will not increase the distance between
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by vickychen941008 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure your essay addresses the question directly. Clearly stating whether you agree or disagree, followed by a succinct explanation enhances clarity. Use specific examples to support your viewpoint more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, organize your ideas more clearly. Begin with a strong introduction, followed by body paragraphs that each introduce a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Transition smoothly between paragraphs to maintain flow. In your conclusion, summarize your key points succinctly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological interventions
  • socially less interactive
  • face-to-face interactions
  • meaningful relationships
  • illusion of connectivity
  • superficial interactions
  • genuine social engagement
  • dependency
  • social skills
  • empathy
  • understanding
  • geographically separated
  • social network
  • immediate physical boundaries
  • organizing social events
  • nuanced
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