IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

“Rapid advances in technology will make the world of the future a more dangerous place” Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.

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A scenario of development in
technology
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 can be easily
forseen
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foreseen
seen
 in
future
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the future
a future
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world
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.
This
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 can lead to a consequence of a threat for human beings. Personally, I think
this
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 opinion has both positive and negative sides which the increasing in advance
technology
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 will bring benefits and drawbacks to the
world
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. The fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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 is more and
more increase
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increasing
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in
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at
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 a fast pace can lead to
lots
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 of unseen threats to
humans
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 can't be denied. Nowadays,
people
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easy to
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easily
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 feel unsafe because there are
lots
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 of hacking identities
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appearing
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appear
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appearing
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. With the help of
technology
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,
people
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 with bad intentions can steal other personal
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
 or money from social media, credit
card
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cards
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,... in the blink of an eye. They can use other identities to make scams
repeatly
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repeatedly
.
Moreover
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,
along side
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alongside
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with
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apply
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the rapid advances in
technology
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 is the
develop
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development
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 of AI -
atificial
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artificial
 intelligence. Because of the
convinience
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convenience
 and
efficience
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efficiency
 of AI, a lot of
companys
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companies
 replace
humans
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for
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with
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this
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 tool to economize.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is becoming a trend in
mordern
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modern
 society and
result
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results
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to
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in
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 more and more
people
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is
Wrong verb form
being
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 jobless and being a burden
for
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to
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 the country.
In
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On
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 the other hand,
technology
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's development is an unavoidable improvement and can bring
lots
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 of benefits to
humans
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 in
today
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today's
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world
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.
The
Correct article usage
Technology
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technology
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 can pave
a
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the
show examples
 way for
human
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humans
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 to explore new
knowlegde
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knowledge
 in the universe.
For example
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,
humans
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being
Wrong verb form
are
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 able to discover the signal of life
in
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on
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other planet
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another planet
other planets
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 with the help of
technology
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. Or in
medical
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the medical
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 field, with
mordern
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modern
 facilities,
the
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apply
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scientists are able to find out a
vacxine
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vaccine
 for
COVID - 19
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COVID-19
. In regular life,
technology
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 plays an important role. Not only
people
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 can move
place
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from place
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 to place faster
by
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with
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 electric vehicles
and
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but
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people
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 can
also
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 save the environment by using
this
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technology
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. In conclusion,
while
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 rapid advances
of
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in
show examples
technology
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 can lead to
lots
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 of drawbacks to human life in
today
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today's
show examples
world
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, I can't deny the fact that the development of
technoloy
Correct your spelling
technology
 can be a helpful tool for
human
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humans
show examples
 if we know how to use and control it in an exact way.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, focus on creating a clearer, more logical structure in your essay. Consider outlining your essay before writing to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with each idea clearly connected to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, ensure that you clearly state your opinion on the topic and summarize your main points succinctly. This will help to make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need to be supported with more specific examples and evidence. This could include citing reputable sources, providing statistical data, or using hypothetical scenarios that are directly related to your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses the prompt by providing a balanced argument. Offer a more nuanced discussion by exploring the complexities of the topic, such as how technological advancements can be made safer.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but could be made more comprehensive by delving deeper into the implications of technological advancements. Consider the broader social, economic, and environmental impacts to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument. The use of vague or general examples weakens your argument. Look for opportunities to include detailed incidents, scientific studies, or historical events that closely support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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