“Rapid advances in technology will make the world of the future a more dangerous place” Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.
A scenario of development in
technology
can be easily forseen
in Correct your spelling
foreseen
seen
future
Add an article
the future
a future
world
. This
can lead to a consequence of a threat for human beings. Personally, I think this
opinion has both positive and negative sides which the increasing in advance technology
will bring benefits and drawbacks to the world
.
The fact that the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
is more and more increase
Replace the word
increasing
in
a fast pace can lead to Change preposition
at
lots
of unseen threats to humans
can't be denied. Nowadays, people
easy to
feel unsafe because there are Replace the word
easily
lots
of hacking identities Wrong verb form
appearing
appear
. With the help of Wrong verb form
appearing
technology
, people
with bad intentions can steal other personal informations
or money from social media, credit Change the wording
information
pieces of information
card
,... in the blink of an eye. They can use other identities to make scams Fix the agreement mistake
cards
repeatly
. Correct your spelling
repeatedly
Moreover
, along side
Correct your spelling
alongside
with
the rapid advances in Change preposition
apply
technology
is the develop
of AI - Replace the word
development
atificial
intelligence. Because of the Correct your spelling
artificial
convinience
and Correct your spelling
convenience
efficience
of AI, a lot of Correct your spelling
efficiency
companys
replace Correct your spelling
companies
humans
for
Change preposition
with
this
tool to economize. Therefore
, this
is becoming a trend in mordern
society and Correct your spelling
modern
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
to
more and more Change preposition
in
people
is
jobless and being a burden Wrong verb form
being
for
the country.
Change preposition
to
In
the other hand, Change preposition
On
technology
's development is an unavoidable improvement and can bring lots
of benefits to humans
in today
Change noun form
today's
world
. The
Correct article usage
Technology
technology
can pave a
way for Correct article usage
the
human
to explore new Fix the agreement mistake
humans
knowlegde
in the universe. Correct your spelling
knowledge
For example
, humans
being
able to discover the signal of life Wrong verb form
are
in
Change preposition
on
other planet
with the help of Change the wording
another planet
other planets
technology
. Or in medical
field, with Add an article
the medical
mordern
facilities, Correct your spelling
modern
the
scientists are able to find out a Correct article usage
apply
vacxine
for Correct your spelling
vaccine
COVID - 19
. In regular life, Correct your spelling
COVID-19
technology
plays an important role. Not only people
can move place
to place faster Change preposition
from place
by
electric vehicles Change preposition
with
and
Correct word choice
but
people
can also
save the environment by using this
technology
.
In conclusion, while
rapid advances of
Change preposition
in
technology
can lead to lots
of drawbacks to human life in today
Change noun form
today's
world
, I can't deny the fact that the development of technoloy
can be a helpful tool for Correct your spelling
technology
human
if we know how to use and control it in an exact way.Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Submitted by mai132004mai on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, focus on creating a clearer, more logical structure in your essay. Consider outlining your essay before writing to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with each idea clearly connected to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, ensure that you clearly state your opinion on the topic and summarize your main points succinctly. This will help to make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need to be supported with more specific examples and evidence. This could include citing reputable sources, providing statistical data, or using hypothetical scenarios that are directly related to your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses the prompt by providing a balanced argument. Offer a more nuanced discussion by exploring the complexities of the topic, such as how technological advancements can be made safer.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but could be made more comprehensive by delving deeper into the implications of technological advancements. Consider the broader social, economic, and environmental impacts to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument. The use of vague or general examples weakens your argument. Look for opportunities to include detailed incidents, scientific studies, or historical events that closely support your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example